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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2020
emotions starting to bleed out; This is good
   Thu Nov 26, 2020 7:11 pm
Anxiety and dealing with the opposite sex
   Wed Nov 25, 2020 7:52 am
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

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Girls n work

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 27, 2015 4:07 pm

Girls and work! Thats where it all heads ( women); not girls! But I like the term!

When you wake up as a 10 year old boy and theirs no one to help you! What do you do! Where do you go! How do you get started! How do you finish!

I had to stay in my dream world! I had no outside world!

One way or the other; Im going to grow past age 10 and grow forward! Nothing wrong with age 10! I have allot of work to do within those time periods! 0-5, 6-10! Lots of work needs to be looked at and worked through! I got thrown away by scum that got their way into my life! Now Im trying to get them out of it or the memories of it! I hate scum bags! Real ones! I hate'm! Im not talk'n about decent people that feel like scum because they've been abused in this world!

Work and women; cant get any simpler! Used to be about mom n Dad! Now it's moving forward! Not easy! Just more work! But I work at my recovery; thats what I do!

Work n women are important! They have to do with civilization and the heart and desire!

My history or the history of the perceived relatives I came from; it does not mean anything! It means nothing!

I cant go past the age of 5 or 10 in my development; thats what Im working on; Im trying to become an adult! Im attempting to face my fears; my childhood Un-development!

When your childhood development is undeveloped or untouched! You have wholes in self! And you cant answer them by way of adult; you're not technically an adult! Adult is a full circle word! Its more then just paying bills!

Adult= paying bills! Adult= having a family and its responsibilities!

Its impossible to be an adult! I am not an adult! Im tying to learn how to do things 8 year olds do! Instead of being in denial about it! Its better to get the help to accept that I have to learn how to do things of a 5 year old; 8 year old, 9 year old, 12 year old, 13 year old!

After I experience the things a 9 year old goes through, my soul or state or biology will naturally kick in and grow to the next age level! Soon! I will naturally grow into the area of satisfying my life through more natural adult situations; women and work! I have to grow into it! And thats how everyone grows into it!

My childhood development is like glass coke bottle! Its fat at one end, then it's a bottle neck! And its open at the other end! The bottle neck has me stopped! Or Ive stopped at the bottle neck area! Im an 8 year old! Im not interested in getting out of the bottle! I just want to jump around in the bottle neck and play, then watch TV and go to sleep!

8 Year olds are not aware of any other life then a limited view of the world! And I have that limited view; Im trying to change this and go beyond this! Its very scary and hard; there are no adults helping advice me or taking my hand and walking me through childhood! I have to turn to God to relearn; that God brings the parents I need to continue to grow!

So, its adults that I need and regrowing! And Im heading in this reality direction! One area is; Im beginning to remember where I left of when young! It hurts; it hurts bad to remember! I was rejected and neglected and thrown away at full level at that specific time I would have moved more into reality to learn how to grow up!

I am attempting to see with Gods help! It's an inner light struggle! Im blind and cant see! I see like an 8 year old and I think like one and have the interests of an eight year old!

You are what you think about! If you're only thinking about toy cars you and xbox games! If thats where your mind is and its on no other; then, thats what you will get out of life!

Problem; When you're an adult; adult things help you survive! When you have the Emotional IQ of an 8 year old! You are limited in you're thinking!

I think about what I thought about when 8 years old! I think about the interests of an 8 year old! I think about what an 8 year old wants from life! I imagine like an eight year old! And all of this works if you're living as an 8 year old! But when you're living as an adult and need to work with adult concepts to survive; the whole arrested development thing; destroys my human experience in the outer world!

How can I think about marriage when Ive never had a first real girlfriend! And the development problem is long before you get your first girlfriend! There is developmental problems in relationships; relating to others and in work areas! The ability to feel safe in an environment that I can express action!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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