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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Girlfriends and sex friends!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Feb 02, 2016 6:02 pm

Sex Friends! Hmmm? I don't know! friends with benefits! You get to use their bodies for sex! but what about afterwards! I long for a relationship with someone other then who I just had sex with! You have sex; you go back to being friends! you see the person but don't want to hold their hands in public or look like your dating! seems really dishonest! I don't know!
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Im scared of the real thing; to be interactive with! I suppose with enough experience; I would not have to ask these questions!
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The major point is; Im changing; their is a shift of independence occurring! As for a girlfriend! I see someone normal who drives a car, that I'm close to, like best friends, and we go places together and get along together! securely! I am not put down for nothing being enough!

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Ive gone through horrible rejection! In fact, it was the TV that never rejected me! the rest of the world did!
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In TV land I was OK! in the real world, I was hated or rejected! mis understood! but they never cared anyway! I was of no interest or importance! I was thrown away! the first thing this tells me; they never had God within them! it was all a lie! and this tells me! the nature of the communities I lived in; they were not my kind of people! I belong to something else somewhere else! I was taken advantage of; stole from, raped! you name it! abused! and many of these are what you would call middle class people! People with intelligence or businesses or money or education!
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none of these were my people!
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Who are my people! all this will be taken to God!

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Im starting to see visions of a girlfriend sitting next to me in a car as we go on a trip! So, Im getting closer to what Im interested in! its naturally coming out again! is been a great long time!
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In the past I ended up falling for sociopaths! and it did not work! even if they between real and pathological; I could not stand the pathological part of them; nor was it my responsibility! These type see strength vs weakness! these are not my type of people! I am friendly and base things on friendship and how comparable we get along and love! but it must be with the right people! the wrong ones don't appreciate anything or anyone! They are little better then animals
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The problem is or was! I was being severely thrown away and abused, so the original me was not developed! I would have been around very nice introverted intelligent upper middle class children! that did not happen! I was rejected by those children because I came from an abusive home; my intelligence or abilities were not the point! I was hated as a loser or scum bag! its about the caste system! I was thrown away! this situation was created by the psychopaths! it was not my doing or fault! nothing I could do about it! I was all alone being destroyed on a daily basis through lies, neglect, contempt and bulling! I did not have a chance! I became full of PTSD and getting worse! the world around me abandon me! I had God, but for a long long time it seemed I had no one!

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Now, as my thinking comes back! Im interested in a real girlfriend! I suppose this means; a real person! vs a shallow prom queen type! I have no money! but they like the way I look! but it wont work! maybe for sex!

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Im attracting the wrong people! but at least as I wake up, I learn that Im attracting someone!

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I go to allot of meetings for recovery and this is no place to date women! I know!
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The women I date would have to be outside of this place! I would have to find them and learn how to interact with them! and that is my new direction!

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Fear; how do I interact with new people when I come from a background like mine! I have allot of work to work on! and I take all things to God!

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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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