Getting stronger, but still learning how to deal with people that cross! me! Im not at that place yet! Im still being ###$ with!
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Not everyone is on my side! Some are jealous, don't want me to succeed!~
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I am slowly getting stronger, getting better! Keep working at it! most of the recovery is coming from the meetings and my writings! and my sharing! Getting more honest about everything! more honest about who I am!
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Ive had a problem telling women who I am! If they are in meetings and down n out; they understand my story! If they are not down n out; middle class bitch! ~ then its a different story! they may not be interested in me or looking for someone like me!
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What Im finding; Ive been brutalized and destroyed! but it looks like with the long run recovery Ive had, Im getting better, and Im pulling out of this maze! Im very lucky! thats all I can say! Im getting stronger!
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I have specific goals to work on! There not career goals, but interest goals!
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One area that is fleeting is a music room to practice in! I have to talk to God! I like making songs and singing to them! but I have no place to practice; this makes no sense to me why God gave me interest and talents if I can find some place to practice!
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I love to sing; but you have to have a place to practice singing! this is crazy! or , such a passion for it, that you infest others with your passion and they want to help!
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Art is important; I must keep art going! working on it everyday!
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On the state of dealing with people;
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Im around the wrong people! its better then being alone! but I am under appreciated! Im in obscurity! certainly Im not the first to be in this situation!
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In the past Ive been in real trouble, and reach out to friends! I found out I had no friends! they did not know me!
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I would have died! they still shut there doors in my face! Friendship meant nothing to them! I meant nothing to them; they were never my friends! and that shocks me! its horrible! It is anti God! its horrible! Its more then anti God; its anti human! in decent!
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Im around allot of indecent people these days! Im not sure what to do about it! run? I don't know!
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I have to trust God!
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Im not accepted or taken for what Im worth! I never have been, and Ive never understood this! The people around me hated me with contempt! but why! I never lied to anyone! They made there judgments and stuck to those judgments! but they had no business judging in the first place! There judgments are wrong!
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Its just a matter of time that I can be myself around others! and not care anymore!
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I didn't do anything wrong! But I know who judgmental people are! They don't understand!
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