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OMNICELL
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Getting stronger!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:21 pm

Getting stronger, but still learning how to deal with people that cross! me! Im not at that place yet! Im still being ###$ with!
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Not everyone is on my side! Some are jealous, don't want me to succeed!~
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I am slowly getting stronger, getting better! Keep working at it! most of the recovery is coming from the meetings and my writings! and my sharing! Getting more honest about everything! more honest about who I am!
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Ive had a problem telling women who I am! If they are in meetings and down n out; they understand my story! If they are not down n out; middle class bitch! ~ then its a different story! they may not be interested in me or looking for someone like me!
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What Im finding; Ive been brutalized and destroyed! but it looks like with the long run recovery Ive had, Im getting better, and Im pulling out of this maze! Im very lucky! thats all I can say! Im getting stronger!
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I have specific goals to work on! There not career goals, but interest goals!
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One area that is fleeting is a music room to practice in! I have to talk to God! I like making songs and singing to them! but I have no place to practice; this makes no sense to me why God gave me interest and talents if I can find some place to practice!
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I love to sing; but you have to have a place to practice singing! this is crazy! or , such a passion for it, that you infest others with your passion and they want to help!
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Art is important; I must keep art going! working on it everyday!
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On the state of dealing with people;
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Im around the wrong people! its better then being alone! but I am under appreciated! Im in obscurity! certainly Im not the first to be in this situation!
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In the past Ive been in real trouble, and reach out to friends! I found out I had no friends! they did not know me!
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I would have died! they still shut there doors in my face! Friendship meant nothing to them! I meant nothing to them; they were never my friends! and that shocks me! its horrible! It is anti God! its horrible! Its more then anti God; its anti human! in decent!
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Im around allot of indecent people these days! Im not sure what to do about it! run? I don't know!
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I have to trust God!
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Im not accepted or taken for what Im worth! I never have been, and Ive never understood this! The people around me hated me with contempt! but why! I never lied to anyone! They made there judgments and stuck to those judgments! but they had no business judging in the first place! There judgments are wrong!
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Its just a matter of time that I can be myself around others! and not care anymore!
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I didn't do anything wrong! But I know who judgmental people are! They don't understand!
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Last edited by Remember Ronni on Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
2 Comments Viewed 17264 times
Comments

Re: Getting stronger!

Permanent Linkby LilyG on Sat Jan 03, 2015 6:37 pm

God Bless you I hope you have a way to practice the art of singing and music as soon as possible. Creative people need art like a diabetic needs insulin it is a must.
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Re: Getting stronger!

Permanent Linkby celticcracker on Tue Jan 06, 2015 12:58 pm

I'm not saying this out of spite, but out of raising awareness. I had an addiction counsellor once who thought I was a middle class bitch, when he had no right to make that judgement. That severely jeopardised my recovery, because according to him my suffering was not worth his humanity or effort, but since I was not in a position to expect respect anyway, I recovered anyway, by means other than that judgmental asshole. In the end of the day, we're all just human, so the way I deal with people who cross me is first by reminding myself of their humanity, then by telling them how it is, then by cutting them out of my life. These self-righteous pricks are more toxic $#%^ I don't need. Now that I'm sober and have my humanity back, I deserve respect and I deserve to be with my equals from whatever background they happen to be. I've created my own standards for what decency is, since this ###$ world hasn't come up with any that actually concern humanity.
Forging an iron signature...
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