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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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Getting over the past

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Apr 25, 2019 1:15 pm

The goal is to get over the past and move forward into the present and accept it; Not expect anything from the past or the loss of the past. What does this feel like; I feel like Id be on my own to move forward to have success regardless of where I came from or what type of background I came from.
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The key is to understand that “ I love knowing Im not holding anyone responsible for the way my life unfolds”
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When I start out; who am I?; Im just me starting with no support or notice of those from the past.
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I was abandon when young; completely; someone folded up shop; got rid of me and the world I came from; and that was that; when I saw them again or had to live with them again; they acted as if I was not related to them; as if I was a stranger. A complete stranger; an unwanted stranger; because I had always been a stranger to them; I was not connected to them when young. to bad. They got rid of me because of hypergamy and monkey branching; but this was a psychopath; so; nothing good would be to come from this for me; either way; I was to be gotten rid of.
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The point is; I have to move on and build a new life; whats left of it and the remain time I have on planet earth; this is not what I expected; any of this. non of this. and it gets worse; the brothers I had; were no brothers; turned out to be against me from the beginning; no brothers; no connection; nothing; never knew this. They are my enemies; completely. They are on the opposite side of the world then me; on the other extreme. Better yet; they dont exist at all; complete strangers. I have no one from what I started with; all of it destroyed and parished and gone; as if a bomb exploded and all was evaporated. I literally came from nothing. Now; Im trying to silently get on my feet again.
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And when I was hit with this abandonment; it was thought out by the psychopaths that did it; it was times perfectly at a specific position or pendulum swing; hitting the mark at the exact moment it would do the most damage; slicing of my head; or my identity; my life completely; a solid smashing blow against an innocent unassuming child. And the psychopath is obsessed with destroying children because they are easy prey.
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I dont tell others who I really am or my real motives; I dont want them stopping me from my goals. Im in social situations where Im an underDog; people think they are above me; However, Working with the universe; This is giving me opportunities to be around people and not alone; Im being taken care of in a way; and Ill allows those around me to think this as I play a lowly social position and not let on that Im of anymore ability strength or intelligence; and I must do this right now to survive. its not bad; its a social beginning. I allow the leaders to think they are real leaders; by doing this; I get perks I need for social development. All is going fine under the universe; I must get my strength back.
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PTSD; PTSD is always a big big problem; its the biggest problem Ive got; its a challenge to see things positively when I have fear and horror running through my mind all day long; but I know those landscapes are only movies running in my head. I say I know their only movies running in my head; thats to true; They still effect me as if real or I would not be writing about them. However, Im willing and believing in the ability to plant new thoughts in my head through my imagination. Im working with this and learning how to be dedicated to this.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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