I have a specific level of trust Im trying to build back into my world! Here is an example! imagine you weaned to be an artist and create pictures; art, paintings! You dont feel safe anywhere in the real world, in the present, in your own space! no way!
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Ive been working for a long time to heal that I feel safe in my own space from the horror and voices in my head as well as the bullies out in the world in front of me or who I think could be in front to me! Either way; I was jammed back down into self; dissociative!
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Now, as I heal, I know what it looks like, what Im interested in! I know that Im getting better when I can say; " Im going to create art, Im in the present, no more past controlling, I stills see the past if I want to, but Im focusing on something better these days"! I can see myself going something out in front of me because Im more present and feeling safe; that is the goal! Im getting closer!
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I have a bridge to cross, a gap to pull in closer until it is shut! The more experience I gain and confidence and positive good feelings about myself and the world around me and outside of me; the closer this gap comes to closing; one inch at a time!
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We will see; most of the recovery work is working with source energy; a higher power! Im facing up to source energy, facing God not turning from God! The better this relationship gets; the better off I am!