| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/getting_closer_b-5212_sid-ad9214dc50234ddc667b21841668c3da.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:43 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Getting closer |
I am dissociative and very weak with a solid foundation behind me! The holes in my mind may never heal! I may be dissociative for the remainder of my life; Im not sure. I know that the next level of my journey is about people. Im learning slowly to let go of people. I people please because of loneliness. I have allowed others to walk on me that I feel something, anything from anyone! I was not loved in this life by anyone! It makes relationships hard! I have a solid foundation behind me, at some point I regain my voice and become independent again, or the practicing of such things. To be independent means to react and respond and to walk away if I have to; not putting up with sycophant manipulative weirdo's. Im on the journey to learn and practice to keep these creepo's at bay! Im attempting to learn to stand up for myself! Its "O" so very hard! Im disabled in this area,. I dissociate long before Im near someone, so dealing with them one on one through interaction is very hard. I must pray and forgive all things... I understand the animal kingdom I live in; or, Im attempting to have the courage to understand it on a daily basis! God will bring me the inheritance I deserve, I do not need to depend on man for anything.. I need to stay away from him... Im inching up to more solid; being more solid! knowing myself! Memories are returning to me! I have many memories that are trapped; I cannot see them, they hold my identity!, In the mean time; I have built with Gods help, new identity anchors.. Identifiables: I am a dedicated mountain biker, including bike clothing and several different bikes. I am an artist type and I practice different forms of art on a daily basis. I have a deep relationship with God that is very rich! and needs to get richer! I must trust God, more and more! I stay lean and in shape through weight lifting that I continue to ride the trails; all working in unison for my betterment; mountain biking, art, weight lifting!/ 12 step groups Finally, after years of work, Im finally awake enough to have a washing plan for my mountain bike clothing! this was a disaster with dissociative disorder! I could not think strait enough, to understand that I could wash and dry my own clothing without going to a laundry mat. Now I know better, and Im grateful I know! I have put this system into practice and will be ready to buy more clothing, knowing I can take care of them! I have to keep my home dwelling clean: this is my next big issue! I started working on it 6 months ago! My defenses will not let me participate. Relationships: IVe been given phone numbers, This means, Ive been able to approach people, talk with them, go out with them or have coffee with them at some point! As soon as I get the cloth washing stuff down and the dwelling clean, then I will lose 1o pounds, get new clothing, and start attracting and get some dates... Im very close to doing this. My problem was relationship fear. I am able to attract women; there are millions of lonely codependent women out there!, trillions of them! Billions! Being touched; being touched with dissociative disorder is a very difficult thing! its very uncomfortable. This is another reason I have not dated. Rape reappears as PTSD problems when people get to close to me! proximity triggers the Dissociative condition and PTSD. I am looking forward when Im a little bit better in this area! So, I have to have God on the fore-front of all things as I go down my journey. |
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