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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (919)
Archives
- June 2019
Trying to write a blog; keeps getting knocked off
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:35 pm
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Getting closer

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Aug 25, 2013 7:43 pm

I am dissociative and very weak with a solid foundation behind me! The holes in my mind may never heal! I may be dissociative for the remainder of my life; Im not sure. I know that the next level of my journey is about people. Im learning slowly to let go of people. I people please because of loneliness. I have allowed others to walk on me that I feel something, anything from anyone! I was not loved in this life by anyone! It makes relationships hard! I have a solid foundation behind me, at some point I regain my voice and become independent again, or the practicing of such things. To be independent means to react and respond and to walk away if I have to; not putting up with sycophant manipulative weirdo's. Im on the journey to learn and practice to keep these creepo's at bay! Im attempting to learn to stand up for myself! Its "O" so very hard! Im disabled in this area,. I dissociate long before Im near someone, so dealing with them one on one through interaction is very hard.

I must pray and forgive all things... I understand the animal kingdom I live in; or, Im attempting to have the courage to understand it on a daily basis! God will bring me the inheritance I deserve, I do not need to depend on man for anything.. I need to stay away from him...

Im inching up to more solid; being more solid! knowing myself! Memories are returning to me! I have many memories that are trapped; I cannot see them, they hold my identity!, In the mean time; I have built with Gods help, new identity anchors..

Identifiables:
I am a dedicated mountain biker, including bike clothing and several different bikes. I am an artist type and I practice different forms of art on a daily basis. I have a deep relationship with God that is very rich! and needs to get richer! I must trust God, more and more! I stay lean and in shape through weight lifting that I continue to ride the trails; all working in unison for my betterment; mountain biking, art, weight lifting!/ 12 step groups

Finally, after years of work, Im finally awake enough to have a washing plan for my mountain bike clothing! this was a disaster with dissociative disorder! I could not think strait enough, to understand that I could wash and dry my own clothing without going to a laundry mat. Now I know better, and Im grateful I know! I have put this system into practice and will be ready to buy more clothing, knowing I can take care of them!

I have to keep my home dwelling clean: this is my next big issue! I started working on it 6 months ago! My defenses will not let me participate.

Relationships: IVe been given phone numbers, This means, Ive been able to approach people, talk with them, go out with them or have coffee with them at some point! As soon as I get the cloth washing stuff down and the dwelling clean, then I will lose 1o pounds, get new clothing, and start attracting and get some dates... Im very close to doing this. My problem was relationship fear. I am able to attract women; there are millions of lonely codependent women out there!, trillions of them! Billions!

Being touched; being touched with dissociative disorder is a very difficult thing! its very uncomfortable. This is another reason I have not dated. Rape reappears as PTSD problems when people get to close to me! proximity triggers the Dissociative condition and PTSD. I am looking forward when Im a little bit better in this area!

So, I have to have God on the fore-front of all things as I go down my journey.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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