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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Getting beyond the catastrophe of bulling

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 12, 2018 7:32 am

Bulling suggests that someone came into my personal space and controlled me! ITs no different then being captured or raped! The effect is to being scared out of moving in any direction! One learned to be controlled by fear! And I learned that I cant move from one movement to another without asking someone first because their will be consequences!
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I was bullied and controlled by fear! Unfortunately, I had no one to protect my rights; I was a boy and learned that I cant move in any direction without someone controlling me and getting away with it or having he right to do so!
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Im working with God to change this! I didnt know how to fight back politically!
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I dont know how to fight back and I didnt know how to go into a new direction! I know how to go into a new direction now; However, its a scary venture! Im learning! its forcing me to face all my demons of the past!

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Unfortunately I was expose to horrible monsters; a monstrosity! Now Im trying to do something about this backward training!
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Im trying to become free; free inside myself!
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Im like a trapped child that relives the same day over and over an over again!
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Im trying to get out of this haunted house! One area of relief; I have to stop pounding on the same door and pull back and go into another direction! Im always ready for a fight! I have to turn around and go into another direction! let go and work with the universe!
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When young; with the right family and love and protection; I could be protected while in school and feel safe to study and move forward, but that never happened! In reality; I was in a dream world; my world was Television; thats where I dreamed as a child; And I got away with it for a while! And then I was thrown into the rest of the world and ground up like powder! I had no way out! no protection; nothing! I was trampled to death! I never got up again!
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Im now fighting to get back on my feet! Its not easy; as the heard runs around the watering whole; It continues to run me over and oppress me! I am slowly learning how to have enough strength and get up!
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Its hard; all of this! its scary! Its like being on the streets homeless and then expecting to finish dreams as if Im the president of a company! its to be a gap!
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One area of interest is my dreams; what do I want to be when I grow up and go after it! The problem has been; the child in me wants to finish childhood and Im not sure how that can be defined within the realm of dreams! I have to work with the universe for such things!
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As for people; Im not around the right situations or people for finishing my dreams! To big a gap resides !
Im not around people that understand me! So; I have to work with the universe; how do you take a person with a 7 year old mentality that wants to successfully move to 8 years old; how does one do this as an adult and feel safe!
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Problems; Economics were destroyed! This is a problem; its a been a problem on my ego! I have felt worthless to myself and to women and to having friends!
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Im attempting to work on how I feel about myself concerning my lack of money! Im lucky to be alive! Its all very hard; I do not want to tell the rest of the world who I am; I dont want to get trampled under their feet and torn into pieces as before!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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