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Gang member mentality

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:09 am

Ive been writing about a very important concept; Grooming into poverty! This is the worst of my abuse. And this in tails horror, as I was stolen; in a sense, and turned into something other then who I was intended by God to be. I was stolen and controlled and turned into a gang member mentality criminal potential. I was hurt! I was destroyed and demoralized.

For a while I thought I had come or I was able on my own to experience a middle class experience up to the age of 8 or 9. After this, this family system was purposely eradicated and silenced! It was destroyed by the satanic lying members who started it! As a child I had no rights. The house I lived in was taken from me! it was the only house I had ever known. And it was gone within an instant flash! and not another word was mentioned to me! it was as if my whole life experience, including friends and a way of life and dreams were taken from me; and vanished. and the neighbors disappeared! meaning, they never knew me; according to them! I was vanquished from the neighborhood as if I had never been a part of it! It was as if my whole like was stripped; and it was. my life was stripped by a very dangerous sadist! One that should have been in jail!

Now, as I read and write about it! the past is showing up again; amnesia from dissociative disorder is releasing the past information that I may experience it again and see it again! and for this I am eternally grateful, as I can re examine this and put it to rest. It will take awhile.

Ive been through many things. However, the sinister quality of grooming a child into repressed poverty is the worst of this! It is deeply bad because the intent to destroy an others life simply for the fun of it is beyond normal human grasp. Such things are not understood by the general public! The sociopaths that did this, did it for kicks, and nothing else. They played sick demonic games as if there trophies are jews from a Nazi prison camp. instead they were dealing with an innocent unsuspecting American citizen that had no way of protecting himself.

These people are exceptionally dangerous. They are predators; and that is all they do and think regardless of how small or big the action. They think in terms of antisocial sadistic acquisition of other people ( people are there trophies) Any and all people taken hostage and destroyed are there trophies, including children or there children. Who ever is closest gets attacked. There only goal in life is to manipulate and take hostage those they can find are weak and susceptible to being preyed upon by their satanic motives. They attack automatically! they are pure anti social. They attack who is closest.

I was a child, I was in the proximity; I was closest and most vulnerable. Like rats or lizards, they feed on who is closest. They feed their fantasies for power and lust! killing or destroying children is fine for them. A 3 year old is no different then a 30 year old. These type of human animal have no sacred regards.. they are of the base animal insect level!


The gang member does not have the right to love! it has been vanquished from him. At the inner kore self, all expression as been burned out through horror and fear and hopelessness... They were never allowed to be loved or to love; someone stopped them, or someone was absent! They grew up alone! completely alone!

My goal is to love my parents again. Im not sure how! but all my life and interest in this life was and has ridden on loving my parents...

Im in a weird situation, as they are legally unloveable. and I have the legal right not to think about them again or love them or have anything to do with them. However, My ability or right to love them was controlled out of me! feared out of me! If I felt feelings, I could be abandon. They did not want someone to feel something, they looked at me as an object to manipulate and control, they did not want any feelings... Feelings would suggest something alien to these people. They did not understand such things. they were non human,. they were sociopaths!

Now I have to learn how to love them again, or the concept of who I thought they were! I had the right to look at them and see them any way I wanted to or God wanted me to! and I have the right to love what God wanted me to love and see things from his perspective, regardless of the reality at the time.
I have to go back and love the idea of loving my parents, even if I never really had any, or the ones running things are gone and were abusive murderers. I have to love the murderer. Not sure how, I know I have the right! and this is what brings back life to a person!

My identity is one of loving everything, including myself, my rights, you, my neighbors, my country, my space, freedom: everything!

The right to love is the right to live! loving is the biggest freedom! Love is the biggest and most important gaol in life, and it starts with my parents.. What they are and what they did makes them justifiably unloveable according to Gods standards. They are evil; true evil! And I did not want to love evil; and that was justifiable and understanding of a younger person or child! I was tortured and horrified and terrified almost to death! and I was driven to a point of full dissociative disorder!

I must have the right to love who I want to love and see them the way I want to see them. the child in me has the right to see you the way I want to within myself! others do not have the right to get in to me to scare the kore out of me from loving or feeling. Its up to me, not you! its about the inner child's rights within my skin! and what goes on in my body is none of your business. It should be safe within me!

I need allot of healing, and find myself around the right people instead of the wrong people. Im not sure why or how Im healing and grieving but I will be grieving..

I suppose this is about evil! and evil was their problem, not mine. I was a nice person that loved everything deeply and could not wait to grow up! I was destroyed because I was a sensitive human being.... Now I choose to go back to being a human being that loves everything... I have no idea how I have permission to do this; possibly because of the truth. Im seeing the worst of what was thrown at me and Ive survived it and Im still alive! and its past tense. and Im realizing its past tense.

PTSD made me seek permission from an outside source for the right to feel a specific feeling! Controlling someones feelings means they are controlling the inner person.

So, how do I want to live my life.

And first I must grieve many losses...

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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