| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/funny_im_back_here%3B_i_have_to_learn_art_b-13353_sid-d11d8373d6afb939837f36a19a31dedd.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Aug 09, 2020 9:40 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Funny Im back here; I have to learn art |
Im at this point that Ive picked art as something I want to do and I have to learn it and practice it; I have to in order to get good at it. This hurts a great deal; slams into my past and the CPTSD. Im hurting right now and have to go slow. My childhood comes ups; all that I was suppose to do be was ripped out of; every dream and personal human identity development; everything. I was more then slaughtered; genocide of my person and Identity; everything; like being kidnapped and taken into some kind of traphacking; horrible nightmare.. Horrible. . Now; I have to or want to develop into art once again; this time getting good at it; learning the basics of art and practicing; Ive done art but missed the foundation. How to draw [ I will be committed and do this thing; it will take time and I have to random create until Im at the point where I really want to take this seriously and learn how to draw things; all kinds of things; Good artists draw everything and they draw all the time. . Im not sure about marriage anymore; I havent been attracting the right people; just these game players that come n go; in fact; Ive attracted no one; meaning the girls that have liked me liked me but their behavior destroyed everything; is destroying everything; I do want anything to do with them anymore at all. Im tired and dont want this anymore. Im sick of it. Ill turn Back to God and see what direction I am suppose to take. Ive had a number of women like me; useless cause.... these people are scary people.... their not even people. I dont get it; but Ill have to keep working with God for direction. . Im getting suicidal; nothing matters anymore because Im hanging around the wrong people; Im getting exposed to do much. The women that kind of like me I think are completely murky; and I never really know if anyone likes me or cares about me; its all a game and Im tired of games. ITs useless.... no point in it.. . . . Women; much like working with paint; I have to learn how to talk to them again. This is so very saddening and hard. It means me being vulnerable; and it means a steady step by step commitment to it. I know what it really means; it means talking about how I really feel at that moment. Not hiding it; and standing up for myself. Being myself.. . I have to keep in touch with God continuously; thats what matters; being aligned with the universe. Im getting sick of going to meetings. . . The past; As I slowly work through the past; I have no friends and never had any when young; I tried to escape to other peoples houses but in the end they never wanted me their from the very beginning; I did not know that. I know that now; I had no friends. The only reason I was at these peoples houses was because their children were my friends; when I was a child; I had no idea I was not wanted.... It never occurred to me; I was a nice person. Im trying to learn that it had nothing to do with me.....non of this stuff does. . I have to work with God to get to higher ground. |
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