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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (943)
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Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
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Starting from the beginning
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The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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movement
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childhood abandonment
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
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Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
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Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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From a different angle!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Apr 14, 2016 11:13 pm

PTSD;

Im flooded with it! And Im attempting to change things so I can come back to reality!

This is not easy! I cant move! The PTSD., thinking, limited beliefs! The past! The memories!

However, I can change! Im changing things now! One memory at time!

Its hard! All of it! All the memories from the de moralizations Ive experienced! And I live in a land that does not care or understand! Or care to understand! Im oppressing at a different level!

Its one memory at a time!

I have to learn to let things go, and practice what I want out of this life! Continue to process out the old!

The people of the past have judged me! They don't know me; Im a stranger to them! Its incredible!

I have to keep trusting God!

Slowly wake up!

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Women; Im finally understanding that all I have to do is ask someone out if Im attracted to them! Go to dinner with them! Take them out!

Ive had one problem; Im not attracted to anyone because of their personality! I like their body! But they are deceptive! And Im not interested! I wont go near them! However, this could cause a greater problem! I end up being attracted to women with a harder background! Thats a big problem! They cant be trusted!
Ive seen women Im attracted to that have gotten men into big trouble! And Im lucky I recognized these women or they would be one more set of women I would attempt to hit on and get in trouble with!
I have to wake up!

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Art;
Im attempting the idea of creating art from beginning to end and having it shown in a gallery! This will be hard; my thinking attacks me from the beginning! I don't have any art work started! The goal is to finish the art work! Learn how I can handle doing art work without freaking out in the process and breaking down and quitting!

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The future; creating it; belongs to me! Its about my thinking that keeps getting in the way; massive PTSD!

I get hit with allot of resentments toward those who have stolen from me or tried to wreck my life! Ive had nothing to hang onto in this world! Nothing! Im attempting to get back to the point of creating something real in the outside world! Manifesting a future and watching it grow !

ITs horrible what happened to me; unthinkable! I ended up with no friends! Nothing of where I originally came from! And I was completely thrown away!

I would like to work with God to get myself back; my thinking! Get the negative out and replaces with positive!! It's a real shame what happened to me!

Yet, like any victim of war! I can stay a victim or do something about it! Im choosing to do something about it at this time! I have that option open to me because of the massive amount of recovery work that has been done! But it's not all done! 2 thirds have been done! A good groundwork! A solid good starting place! However, I'm now in the third section of recovery; my future!
Ive dealt with the past! Ive dealt with how to be honest in the present and deal with fear and terror! Now, I deal with the manifestation of my dreams! And watch them grow! This requires the negative thinking to go! For this to happen; its like opening up the past at its worst areas; going in and fixing stuff, cleaning house! Not easy!

The goal is to grab on to the idea of creating my own future! My own reality! This wont be easy and cant be done over night! This starts with small steps that build! And mach pTSD that springs up like land mines ever second; crashing me to the ground!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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