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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (918)
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- June 2019
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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From a different angle!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Apr 14, 2016 11:13 pm

PTSD;

Im flooded with it! And Im attempting to change things so I can come back to reality!

This is not easy! I cant move! The PTSD., thinking, limited beliefs! The past! The memories!

However, I can change! Im changing things now! One memory at time!

Its hard! All of it! All the memories from the de moralizations Ive experienced! And I live in a land that does not care or understand! Or care to understand! Im oppressing at a different level!

Its one memory at a time!

I have to learn to let things go, and practice what I want out of this life! Continue to process out the old!

The people of the past have judged me! They don't know me; Im a stranger to them! Its incredible!

I have to keep trusting God!

Slowly wake up!

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Women; Im finally understanding that all I have to do is ask someone out if Im attracted to them! Go to dinner with them! Take them out!

Ive had one problem; Im not attracted to anyone because of their personality! I like their body! But they are deceptive! And Im not interested! I wont go near them! However, this could cause a greater problem! I end up being attracted to women with a harder background! Thats a big problem! They cant be trusted!
Ive seen women Im attracted to that have gotten men into big trouble! And Im lucky I recognized these women or they would be one more set of women I would attempt to hit on and get in trouble with!
I have to wake up!

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Art;
Im attempting the idea of creating art from beginning to end and having it shown in a gallery! This will be hard; my thinking attacks me from the beginning! I don't have any art work started! The goal is to finish the art work! Learn how I can handle doing art work without freaking out in the process and breaking down and quitting!

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The future; creating it; belongs to me! Its about my thinking that keeps getting in the way; massive PTSD!

I get hit with allot of resentments toward those who have stolen from me or tried to wreck my life! Ive had nothing to hang onto in this world! Nothing! Im attempting to get back to the point of creating something real in the outside world! Manifesting a future and watching it grow !

ITs horrible what happened to me; unthinkable! I ended up with no friends! Nothing of where I originally came from! And I was completely thrown away!

I would like to work with God to get myself back; my thinking! Get the negative out and replaces with positive!! It's a real shame what happened to me!

Yet, like any victim of war! I can stay a victim or do something about it! Im choosing to do something about it at this time! I have that option open to me because of the massive amount of recovery work that has been done! But it's not all done! 2 thirds have been done! A good groundwork! A solid good starting place! However, I'm now in the third section of recovery; my future!
Ive dealt with the past! Ive dealt with how to be honest in the present and deal with fear and terror! Now, I deal with the manifestation of my dreams! And watch them grow! This requires the negative thinking to go! For this to happen; its like opening up the past at its worst areas; going in and fixing stuff, cleaning house! Not easy!

The goal is to grab on to the idea of creating my own future! My own reality! This wont be easy and cant be done over night! This starts with small steps that build! And mach pTSD that springs up like land mines ever second; crashing me to the ground!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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