Ive never had any friends. I thought I did; I did not. I had false friends; horrible monsters masquerading as friends; they were just using me; nothing was real. Hopefully Ill get over someone of it or them; I hope.
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I will get over them. Im just shocked at the way I was used and then treated; it was insane. IT was torture...
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Friendships; When I think of what Im looking for in women; its a friendship first. But how. it never worked before. I never trusted them and for good reason; not the horrible monsters I was dealing with. I dont feel good enough for anyone else; not after what Ive been through and the way Ive been ridiculed.
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OK; Im getting it I guess; friendships. How. They never wanted to be friends with me before.. Non of them. Any women I was interested in shunned me at some point. I couldn't make any mistakes; but they got to make as many as they wanted to. My friendship meant nothing to them..
So; Ill keep working on getting my own life in order and I think thats possible. Ill work with God concerning women; to learn how to attract the right friends and where I would meet them.... God will bring them; friends.
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So; friendship; and friends with women. Ill start praying about it. I can look back and see it... I can see women that wanted to be my friend. But I couldn't come to grips with that statement. I mean; even now writing it; I couldn't come to grips with it like that. I mean; having women back in my life; what does that mean. my whole young life and all its dreams of family; all destroyed; So; no parents around for anything. No parents for regular middle class experiences. Now; things are changing. Not having money; Ill pray about this; This just isn't what I wanted; Ill talk to God about all this. Will I ever be enough just to be at ground level. I have to keep working with God on all of this.
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What does a real friend look like. I tried to build a friendship with a girl when I was in my teens. It fell through; I meant something to me but nothing to her? doesn't make any sense to me... I tried to have a best friend when very young; he turned out to be a complete fake. He could care less who I was; It was all in my head that I thought he was a friend. He was never my friend.
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I cant make God go faster; I can work with the laws off attraction and pray for another soulmate; this time; ones I want to be friends with.