Friends taking the place of incorrect friends! I found myself as a child around the wrong people in the wrong neighborhood! these were upper class people; money wise! These were not my people! they were filth! worthless human beings! all of them! all the ones I met! I care not to know anymore about them; the rich! Don't get me wrong; I like their money! The money part is fine! Im working on a better attitude concerning wealth and money. They were little more then pathological performers; These people thought they were superior to everyone and yet very productive people with high level educations! But they would stab you in the back for a buck! and you would never see it coming! they would be-friend you if you wanted it; their heart never with you! but you would not know it! They are masters at hiding the truth; your being used; why?, you are around them because they want something; they are using you, you dont know it! ruthless cunning and predatorial in nature; if you dont bother their nests they wont come to yours! I made the mistake of going to theirs and being led on then dropped! They were never friends of mine!
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Im now asking God for real friends! real people and real place to live and people to be around; real people; nothing like what I came from! I was used and fooled! I was an exploited child! THE SUICIDAL ADOLESCENT—THE EXPENDABLE CHILD; I was a throw away and Im attempting to work through it, come up from it and move forward back into a life! its all very hard! it would be easier with the right people around me! real friends that see me for who I am! I will have to work with God on this ! Ive been around the wrong people!
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In the recovery process one accepts who they deal with; I cant control who's in the rooms with me! and when needy, I would take attention from anyone; it mattered not! were they my friends? no, I had no friends or the ability to connect with anyone! I just needed love and attention from someone, anyone! so, I took what I could get! the people giving it were strangers!
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As I work through my problems; I would like real friends again; not people that marginalize me and put up conditions to know them! I would like the right type of people around me!
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IVe been scared of the middle class! I dont like them! they were fake wanna be'zzz! I No disrespect to the general masses; but the general masses are not for me! Im a bit more sensitive! I will call out to God for help with this and bring real people around me!
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Im at the beginning of a new life; or the dawn of it! Its very close! Im simply walking with God, holding his hand as he leads me from my past life back into the present life!