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OMNICELL
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Friendless

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Nov 11, 2015 4:51 pm

And they did it on purpose; to destroy the house I was living in and the neighborhood! But they are psychopaths! And this is normal for a psychopath! But it left me homeless and baron! And it is unacceptable for humans to do to other humans, but not of the psychopath! What is not acceptable is that state allowing a psychopath to do things to children in this manner! However, proving such things to the state is something an adult would seek! Small children certainly do not understand such matters; nor would a teenager!

I did not know what the psychopath was until I was 16! Then I understood what it was, but did not have a name for it! It was not until, well into my later years did I study and then understand what was going on! And later in my thirties! I became to really understand the evil! But I still did not have a picture of it! Now I do!

Knowing all this did not help my economic or social life! I was still written of!

I am friendless in away! The children I grew up with when I was a child; they all wrote me off as worthless! But I am not worthless!

I was written off as a bad person, but I am not a bad person! Its possible I was around the neighborhood kids of each neighborhood I lived in and I was more sensitive or intelligent! I don't know! I was written off as a fool or no good! Or weakling or something! Im not sure!

IVe seen people I grew up with in coffee shops! Im written off as a fool! I have to stay to myself as if I have never met them! I have to watch them talk with others and laugh with others as if I was never friends with them! Its horrible! I remember spending time with them as my friend! They are not my friends anymore! I have been written of as a weirdo! As a sycophant! But Im not one! And Im a decent respectable person! This is ######6 crazy!

Am I safe! I don't think so! Meaning, the people that are doing this! They are not very nice people! That I know! I went to them! When I was a child; I sought them out for attention! And I was friends with them and spent time with them! But not now! Now I mean nothing to them! I am written off as a freak! But Im not a freak! Im a decent human being!

I do not understand!

What happened!

Why am I not accepted by these people! I was accepted as a boy; but no now! Why?

Im treated like the town creep or something! Am I a creep! No! Of course not! Then, why am I treated this way! And it's not by one person! Its by numerous people! And Im treated the same way by all! I was treated like this by my best friend as well! He did the same thing to me!

Possibly; none of these people were ever really my friends! Or who I thought they were! Possibly, they were not of the same value system! I don't know!

Thyve written me off as a freak or scumbag; but I wasn't a scum bad around them when I was young! Now they treat me like Im worthless! But Im not worthless! They have contempt for me! But Im not worthless! Im a decent respectable person! If they were decent and respectable, they would see this! Instead, they judge me!

=====================================================================================

I did not come from a decent family like I should have! I tried to make them into a decent family; tried to see them in this light! And was able to be fooled by this for a good long time! But their were problems as a child! Sinister problems! Meaning, I was silently being destroyed from the side lines by those in this evil family system!

I was being neglected to death in every area! And soon; from 1st grade to 5th! It began to show! No one was taking care of me; taking any interest in my development! Of course they weren't! They never had me; birthed me for the purpose of taking care of me! They birthed me to use me then throw me away! And for no other reason! Im sorry I never saw this from the beginning! Im truly sorry! If I had prepared; possibly, things would have been different! I would have gotten out of their!

The brothers I had! From the beginning I saw them and made a decision on how I felt about them! I looked upon them as my older brothers and I looked at them as a younger brother should see them! But I was wrong! I could not have ever been so wrong! These were strangers from the beginning! And not human and not my friends! They were complete strangers that I was trying to make into friends!
Later, this will slap me in the face! For they turn into sociopaths! One of an extreme sadistic nature!, the other is a half child dimwit! Meanings, he is shallow, and without any personal development within personality! He has sociopathic traits! Some traits! But more of a 12 year old in a mans body! He still goes back to mom as if she's going to take care of him emotionally! He seems unaware she is going to die; as if she is going to live for ever!

Neither of these people are people I should ever see again! But I did not know this! I called them my brothers! This was a big big mistake! And one I will have to live down! They are not any relation to me! The sociopath brother is a stranger at this point! Because he is a sociopath, no real relationship can exists between us! If walk into his life, I will be treated less then a Dog and have everything stolen from me! Pure heartless Godless consciousness criminals! Nothing more!

It ends badly! It always does for anyone involved with psychopaths! Yet, the child brain within me wants to see things from my childhood's point of view! The goal is to bring back the child, but with new people and the same goals and dreams!

It ends badly, any time you're dealing with psychopaths! It will all be destroyed! That is their nature! They are like sharks or wolves or giant lizards with human brains! It will be mass destruction if you associate with them1 You will be injured! And possible death!

So, when I came back to my home town! Although members of my original family are present within this town! Technically, I belong to no one! On one wants me or claims me! My brothers and mother want nothing to do with me! And this makes perfect sense! They are sociopaths and psychopaths!

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I was orphaned from my family when young! Thrown away! And simply because; their was no real family! I was attempting to look at it from a child's innocent point of view! It was a place full of psychopaths! So, you have no family system!

If psychopaths gather together as a bunch! And you seeing them living off of each other as if a family system! They are not a family system; they have no loyalty to each other or connection! They are simply getting a service done for them! If the service is not provided; they will pack up and move away and find someone else to perform the service!

I have a brother that takes care of my old mother; However, looks can be deceiving! He means nothing to her! Her only interest in him is service! Will he take care of her basic house-boy needs; if not! She move away leaving him, never talking to him again, and goes back to her other friends in another city and swindles and misleads them into using them for the same purpose! He is given money for his services! Meaning, his family lives off of her to survive! Why would he live of off her and not take full responsibility for his family; because he is immeshed with her psychologically like a little boy! But they are both psychopaths using each other! They do not have feelings like normal people or remorse!

==============================

I was orphaned at 10 years old by this false family!

I was orphaned by the community and friends I made when a boy!

I was orphaned by my best friend and his family when they found out I was having problems!

And I was never accepted by anyone else!
=======================================================

The work Im doing; the recovery work; is to get me through the tuff years of aloneness that an orphan experiences! It's a dangerous thing being an orphan! You can give up very easily and kill yourself! You have nothing and no one! The whole world has thrown you away and they are not coming back!

Im past most of the suicidal part of this ride! Im working on growing through the past teen age years again! To become more independent! It's brutally hard! Nothing about this is easy!

In the end you accept what and where you came from; but have matured into wholeness without this family system and in-spite of what the others in the community did to you! This requires allot of 12 step groups! They act as an orphanage until I can grow up!

Slowly growing!

Have more child development left to work on! have to experience expression that allows the child in me to let go of mom! there is a time when the young child rejects mom and goes out and plays and has fun with other kids! thats whats missing! thats the abuse of the psychopath! it is at the child level deep within you; that they attack! remember, they are predators! they want to control that small child part of you! they don't attack the other parts; they scare you at the 2 year old level!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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