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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Focusing and dreaming!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jan 01, 2018 4:30 am

As a creator of my own reality; the reality in front of me ( the physical), does not need to have value! If I chase after something so I can go get it; that is not the right goal; that is not spiritual Laws of attraction! Im acting like someone owe's me when I chase! I have to learn to trust the universe; create a visual of what I want and allow the universe to bring it with me! Im a creator; the goal is to create a visual of what I want; like creating a painting; watch it grow clothing and watch it come to me; it becomes alive; thoughts become things!
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Their is a problem, or a challenge! Thoughts become things! Im hurt, more then that! butchered from the past! if something violates me; I want to go to war! How in the world do I shut that down! get those negative thoughts out of their! I have to! the victim mentality simply attracted victim stuff!
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I come from a past of psychopaths! Guess what Im always attracting; its horrible! I was born into psychopathy; it feels normal to me to interact with psychopaths; it has a warming safe cozy feel to it; like Im always with my father and Im going to be protected! The reason I feel this way; I was so very young when I was around my father; a sociopath! I got used to getting attention from him in different ways! Now, Im programed to be around psychopath and try to get attention from them; its like I attract a whole world of them! Im trying to do re write a story and get out of all this! get help to get out of all this! Im attempting to rely on source energy; the source of the universe! align with source energy! Im aligning with source energy; go in the direction of God! Im having to wake up and learn what this means; where the doors of unfolding pathways to my journey! They are invisible at times; I dont see them! Im working on stories that tell the universe I see them and Ive already taken them! Im working on it! its one of the most heart rendering things Ive done. ITs taking me away from the only past I know; a past with psychopaths!
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The work is learning to choose what I like to do! and visualize it! I want to turn everything into a virtual movie within my head! I need to talk about what i want; visualize what I want; paint what I want! I have to feel it! build a bridge between what I dont have to what I want! Its words that connect me; feeling! a statement! Im pretending Im having a luxurious life! Im glad Im a thinking mechanism. I being able to think my way into my new life.
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I have to become good at dreams! I have to be able to see something positive in my head instead of fear and terror! I hate being used! I feel like every direction of the society I live in is using me financially and every other way! It seems theirs no way out and no point! And this is hard to say, but my heart breaks! And as I feel this; I see it in my head; and thats the problem and it has to change because Im not interested in killing myself over stuff. Im trying to clear my mind and put in a new positive story instead and believe it! its hard! but Im not sure what part is really hard! I think Ive been trained out of believing I can do or become what I want to become! in my attitude; whats the use! I was thrown away as a child and heart broken; why should I care about anything else; whats the point! If this society is willing to destroy me over n over n over as a child; why should I think it will do anything less when I reach out now! I got my arms bit off as a child, no matter what direction I went; why would I think its anything different now! and its this type of thinking I have to deal with and change! and thats why its hard!
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The goal is to concentrate on writing new stories for myself guided by source energy! that is the goal.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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