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Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (947)
- July 2019
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Focusing and dreaming!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jan 01, 2018 4:30 am

As a creator of my own reality; the reality in front of me ( the physical), does not need to have value! If I chase after something so I can go get it; that is not the right goal; that is not spiritual Laws of attraction! Im acting like someone owe's me when I chase! I have to learn to trust the universe; create a visual of what I want and allow the universe to bring it with me! Im a creator; the goal is to create a visual of what I want; like creating a painting; watch it grow clothing and watch it come to me; it becomes alive; thoughts become things!
Their is a problem, or a challenge! Thoughts become things! Im hurt, more then that! butchered from the past! if something violates me; I want to go to war! How in the world do I shut that down! get those negative thoughts out of their! I have to! the victim mentality simply attracted victim stuff!
I come from a past of psychopaths! Guess what Im always attracting; its horrible! I was born into psychopathy; it feels normal to me to interact with psychopaths; it has a warming safe cozy feel to it; like Im always with my father and Im going to be protected! The reason I feel this way; I was so very young when I was around my father; a sociopath! I got used to getting attention from him in different ways! Now, Im programed to be around psychopath and try to get attention from them; its like I attract a whole world of them! Im trying to do re write a story and get out of all this! get help to get out of all this! Im attempting to rely on source energy; the source of the universe! align with source energy! Im aligning with source energy; go in the direction of God! Im having to wake up and learn what this means; where the doors of unfolding pathways to my journey! They are invisible at times; I dont see them! Im working on stories that tell the universe I see them and Ive already taken them! Im working on it! its one of the most heart rendering things Ive done. ITs taking me away from the only past I know; a past with psychopaths!
The work is learning to choose what I like to do! and visualize it! I want to turn everything into a virtual movie within my head! I need to talk about what i want; visualize what I want; paint what I want! I have to feel it! build a bridge between what I dont have to what I want! Its words that connect me; feeling! a statement! Im pretending Im having a luxurious life! Im glad Im a thinking mechanism. I being able to think my way into my new life.
I have to become good at dreams! I have to be able to see something positive in my head instead of fear and terror! I hate being used! I feel like every direction of the society I live in is using me financially and every other way! It seems theirs no way out and no point! And this is hard to say, but my heart breaks! And as I feel this; I see it in my head; and thats the problem and it has to change because Im not interested in killing myself over stuff. Im trying to clear my mind and put in a new positive story instead and believe it! its hard! but Im not sure what part is really hard! I think Ive been trained out of believing I can do or become what I want to become! in my attitude; whats the use! I was thrown away as a child and heart broken; why should I care about anything else; whats the point! If this society is willing to destroy me over n over n over as a child; why should I think it will do anything less when I reach out now! I got my arms bit off as a child, no matter what direction I went; why would I think its anything different now! and its this type of thinking I have to deal with and change! and thats why its hard!
The goal is to concentrate on writing new stories for myself guided by source energy! that is the goal.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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