April 2024
March 2024
The first problem concerning relationships is solved.
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First let me say several laws? or principles or frequencies must be accomplished attained. What does this mean; it means experiences.. Certain experiences must be obtained.
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The original Goal is; Activities and relationships; How can I break through the walls. The activities have been broken through to a point that Im fairly on my way; However, smaller or more distant walls are still holding but its down the runway... Im fairy solid right now in what Im attempting to want to accomplish. We will see...
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Relationships; SO; lets bring up something Ive brought up before. Im like a little kid; 4 years old. I want to ride my like; I get my father; he takes me to the garage; he gets the bike outside the garage and I ride it in front of him; for about 20 minutes; I have training wheels on the bike.
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Finally; Im a little bit older. 5 or 6. Ive met kids that live down the block. Im hanging around them after school. I know longer go to my father for my bike. I go to the garage and get my own bike and ride down the block to my friends houses. My friends have brothers who are older. They are helping us younger kids and brothers take off their training wheels from the bikes. And today; Ill have them take my wheels off and Ill attempt to do what excites me; I see my friends riding their bikes without training wheels. So; I want one of their brothers to take my training wheels off so I can ride my bike without training wheels.
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And it happens; I have a bike with no training wheels and I get on my bike; climb up on it and ride it and crash. And this will go on for months n months.. At least a few months. And I remember the first time I started riding or balancing the bike without the wheels for a more major serious ride.
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So; What do I call this; I call it. " Learning to fish and get my own fish; instead of someone else getting it for me. The upper example of riding my bike without training wheels is learning how to fish and getting my own fish. My father did not teach me how to ride my bike without training wheels; I found friends who knew someone; and I used them.
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Relationships; the next movement of development.
Activities continue to have advancement and improvement.
On with information on relationship;
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Things are still tuff; not everyone is on my side; most are on their own side; but Ive got me and God on my side.
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So; what or how does this feel; it feels like Im coming back into alignment with people and places and things again. Im starting to live again in a way; a solid way;
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Im playing guitar; a very important thing; the Guitar is the great equalizer because I cant go any faster with it; it takes work; lots n lots of it to learn how to get my hands to play the right notes n chords and shapes and things. Hours of work; Thousands of hours of work and dedication and their it is... And Im a beginner student interested... And it Weill be this way for a couple of years... if I practice everyday; Ill get better; Ill want to focus in on certain areas and get better. Its a long term kind of thing.
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So; my life is starting to show up around other and around things; interactively...
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Im starting to move into the realm of now. a smooth realm and Im praying about work and play and music creation and playing the guitar and performing and living and relationships. Moving into those things and learn to trust again./
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The universe is bringing me things; long term things; short term things; hobbies that develop my character into a solid secure way of living.
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Im sure my brother is helping me who I love with all my heart.. who Died... he is helping me from heaven.... ITs still hard to fathom; I almost started crying about him today in front of someone.. Ill pray about that was well...
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I only have is picture left...
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The people around me dont understand; the deeper issues; things people on this site understand; they dont really understand about me; Im silent and covert about things; I only really let things out with understanding at places like this or FB clubs or groups dealing with mental health issues...
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The outside world is a place Im learning to interact with again and Im starting to... With dissociate disorder; I could not interact with anything. The people Im around thought I was just shy and would come fourth toward them at some point; of course they were completely wrong; I did come fourth toward them but they would have no deeper clue about it; and maybe ive found thats a great thing; a great things they dont know more about this then they do. They pin it down to something simple and work on me or with me; carving me into this new person; Its allot about trust... ive never trusted like this before.
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Om getting back that family. feeling like I belong some where; like Im part of a family again. Has allot to do with God and coming back into my life again. Strange; its all up to God.
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Ill have to keep at this solidness.
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Age did not create this; I didnt get older and suddenly everything is perfect. This mental illness of trauma is the causes and family system losses of all kinds; a life lost completely. And a new is now starting up again.. Its not easy; its humbling.
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I thought I was the musician; I am not. I dont know what Im doing. Im slowly learning how to do things again the right way and its going to take a long long time.. and thats OK. its hard on my ego; but Ive been in such a dissociative dream world. Coming into the real world I have no skills; nothing; nothing learned earned or developed; nothing. So; The key is to get inline with myself and God; reach out to the universe for help and keep praying for what I need...
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Ill keep praying; I think what I want is to live here n now and be present and around nice people. Im not completely around nice people; some are sycophants. Im not out of the woods yet. Keep praying like Ive never done it before on my knees... all day long; praying for that same life I always wanted; just keep seeing it in my mind and heart and keep praying for it; working with God on it.
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