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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Finding the right women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:40 pm

Ive been mentally ill from Developmental trauma disorder; never knew it was going to happen to me! never saw it coming! I spent years in the recovery process mentally ill; no interest in dating anyone; way to ill from Dissociative disorder! PTSD!
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Now that Im getting better, a strange experience is happening! Ive had many women in the recovery process like me! but I never liked them! I liked the way they looked; I wanted to sleep with them, but not date them! Many people Ive seen in the world, I don't trust or like! many women from different walks of life; I don't trust; not after what I went through! I do not trust the general public, I do not trust people from the streets, I do not trust the rich and I do not trust the Government! I don't trust the churches; last place Im ever going to trust anything! Im learning to trust God! I do not trust the school systems of any kind! I trust nothing!
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After spending a very long time studying women and how to interact and date again; I had amnesia; and could not remember! I could not remember anything; my nervous system and brain were in protect mode! I could not remember anything because my mind refused to allow it! I was 2 ill from the condition; so, I bought tapes and cd's and watch dating stuff on Youtube and relearned how to interact with women, how to attract women, what women look for in a man! and so on!
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Ive attracted allot of women; but never went any further! I thought they were hot; but something was always wrong! Now I know what it is! I was never interested in them!
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Ive not found the women Im interested in dating! Looking back at my life! it was broken and I was mentally ill; I was 2 weak to be around people! I just wanted to die!
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Now, its different! Ive had women like me; Ive worked with the laws of attraction and attracted soulmates! something has been wrong! Ive not been around my group of people! The women Ive attracted; something is always wrong with them; wrong to the point that they are not my people! I realized lately, Ive never met my people! I realized; Ive never been around any women I want to date! I would sleep with them; many of them are hot! but I would not date them! Why?, they are not my people, I do not resinate with them; non of them! The people Im interested in dating do not have all this baggage and conditions!
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I walk up to a women, and its 2 hard, to much work, or something is wrong! or Im having to compromise to much! something is not natural its contrived; 2 hard!
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The kind of women I want are not hard! The type of women I want; we gel together! or connect! We don't "connect" and have conditions! we simply connect! I realized as I was waking up that the women Im around are making things 2 hard! It tells me we are not right for each other! Im trying to hard! it doesn't need to be this hard! Something is wrong! and I realized; I don't want any of them; these are not women that I would date; they are not dating women; not for me!
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Ive been around several different circles in my life and not impressed with anything! most people scare me; Im scare more by their beliefs and way of life and cultures or groups they belong to!
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Im learning now to ask source energy for what I want! What do I want?, I thought I knew what I wanted! Im not sure! I know what I don't want!
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I know from my study of soulmate; she is an Asian-soulmate! Im attempting to hang on to this! Im not sure what it means, accept source energy God knows what it means! Im actually closing in on the gap of this! When I started my soulmate search, a large gap existed between where I was and what I wanted; with enough work, that gap is slowly thinning! That gap is slowly closing in and reattaching!

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If you know what you want; thats half the battle! Im not used to knowing what I want in a women! I want to be loved and cared about, I want a soulmate, I want someone the genuinely wants me!
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Most of the women I meet care only about their children and grand children and men are this strange secondary fantasy that will come along and sweep them off their feet and take care of their family! The women doesn't have to do anything! and she's going to be completely in love and the man is going to love her completely even tho this is her 3rd marriage and she takes no responsibility for the break ups! she knows she's involved somehow, each man has told her so, but she doesn't really care!
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Im not looking for someone of the above paragraph! Am I looking for a porn stripper or a Astronomy prophesier; Im not sure! God knows! so, I work with God on this!
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Im starting to wake up! Im waking up alone, meaning, the family system I came from is long gone; stollen all inheritance; mostly sociopaths and psychopaths of different backgrounds and natures! unfortunate! I did not know when young; I was slammed with it as I began to get older; older child, and was neglected out of existence and confessed about why I was being thrown away!
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I had plans when young and growing up! I did not realize the scum I was with would kill me off!
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The point being; when it comes to women, as I get mentally healthier, I realize that most of the women Ive been around have simply been present because this is a place of recovery, but non of them are dating material! nothing wrong with these women; they are someone else dating material, not mine!
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So, who is my dating material, This will souly depend on God! Im with the understanding that I ask God for what I want and God delivers it! So, I have to know what I want! I know what I dont want! or whats not working!
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I thought I could find a pretty girl and make it work; doesn't work that way! I had to compromise to much of my own beliefs or values; It could not work! I thought I could sleep with these women that had opposing beliefs! I could not! they are not people i trust! If I dont trust you, your not sleeping with me! and most of them, I dont trust, conflicting beliefs! I refuse!
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Ive learned; I cant date everyone just because I like their bodies! I cant date or sleep with women just because they like me! They have to have the same beliefs or values! Ive never understood what went wrong! I was sacrificing 2 much! I dont have to sacrifice my worth or beliefs or values to be with someone!
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I thought; if a women is cute and likes me; thats all it takes; wrong! doesn't work like that; not for me!
I have to connect with the person; she cant be good in bed and a stranger outside the bed; thats not a connection or relationship! whats the point; why would I spend time with someone like this!
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So, things aren't perfect; but Im starting to wake up!
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I never fit into the general middle class of people in society! I got rejected by them for no good reason! I did nothing wrong! they are as much murder's as any one in maximum section of the state penitentiary! I see them as no different!
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I've been around allot of recovery people but not my people! Im getting better; I study success based coaches online and stuff like that; this is my new thang or way of life or hobby! its working to make me a positive person going after positive things!
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When it comes to women; i know what I dont want; I dont want frustration anymore when dealing with them! I want women that are aligned with me! Im not interested in anyone else or their way of life or baggage!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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