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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- June 2021
Problems with women
   Mon Jun 14, 2021 12:00 am

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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 21, 2018 5:49 am

My feelings have been destroyed; thus the act or aggression of psychopaths did this! and completed the job! However, Im in recovery to recover them!
Im slowly learning how to bring them back out into the world! hopefully the right world!
I have massive deep brutal dark violent anger! And thus I should considering the horrors Ive been through!
As for soulmates! I defined a soulmate through a soulmate search created by God; by listening to God! follow God!
My soulmate search lasted 4 years! I use the laws of attraction and manifestation techniques to bring the women to me!
Ive completed the task! Ive brought 2 types of manifestation situations upon me! First, the universe needed to prove itself to me; prove it could bring an Asian women to me on command! It did! meaning, I asked for an Asian women to appear; she appeared; she almost ran me over; she was a runner coming across a bridge! This bridge was located out by a lake; its a walking bridge for runners and bikers! I was off my bike and talking to the universe; she came at me from the other side of the bridge!
The next area of manifestation; I created the description of the soulmate I wanted to specifics and she show'd up! Now she is gone!
One area I didn't create in my soulmate search! I did not create the idea of love or a best friend! I created a description of what she looked like; or land of origin, her ethnicity, her education, interests, and her understanding of my dissociative disorders! However, I did not create her character!
I have to match a soulmate on what Im feeling; if Im feeling deep feelings, I want a women who is feeling the same thing, the same way!
I forgot to create character! I can have an ax wielding murder'r horror show train wreck show up because she is lonely and just out of women's prison; and she wants to feel! and drinks to much! This will not do! This is not my culture or my character level!
I have to feel my feelings; my sensitive feelings and attract the same! Its hard when its mixed with brutal potential war violence within me! This causes strange caustic plastic like expressions!
The point; What do I want from a soulmate" best friend and someone who loves me! someone I can trust and will back me up! Someone who will help me because they want to! and I will love them! the point is; they are my best friend; and that is what I have to focus on in a soulmate!
I had a perfect description of my soulmate show up! The first thing she did was shun me! and pay attention to other guys! and then in a kind of predator wake up; she started heading toward me! I was not interested in it! I felt insignificant and inferior; meaning; I was being treated like an object like I was inferior! she was acting like a player! This is not what I want in a relationship; a sociopath! no thanks! Her baggage was dangerous; creating new children with the next marriage; and not taking care of them anymore then the last! This is not for me!
I struggled with this; the idea of this women; trying to compromise because of her behavior! I saw her; I saw the behavior and I left! I can do better; I don't think God wants that around me!
I will say this; her description was detailed and to have someone of this description show up around me was a complete indication of my manifesting abilities; or Gods! and many other hints occurred that indicated she was my soulmate!
So; Ive had my soulmate show up! and it meant nothing! because; my best friend did not show up in her! or; maybe she is my best friend and I haven't looked that deep! I dont know!
I asked for the outside of a person to show up and it did! Now I would like to focus on what I want on the inside and have that show up with the outside package!
ITs not that Im shallow; Im just new to soulmate searches! My goal was to have someone who actually liked me and got along with me and that I could love; but I never described this to the universe! I got wheat I was looking for but not what I was feeling! and its all about feeling!
Ive had soulmates before! I loved them; true love! I still love them! although I have not seen them for 40 years!
I have to love again and work with the universe to love again! Who knows; when I can un ravel my feelings; maybe Ill end up with this one soulmate that showed up! In reality; she loved her kids but the guys she picked to date were mean to her and did not love her; I guess; I know very little about her! I know she likes me tho!
I have to feel again and allow myself to love someone again! I have to allow the process of feeling and loving again! Im scared; and Im afraid of what happened when young; not now!
I claim I dont want to get hurt by someone; in reality; I dont want to be reminded of what happened when young and have to relive all that pain again! Feel it again; but is it not worth it to love again; is it not worth taking a chance now to love again; even if I have to feel some uncomfortable pain! So; Ive been scared; I have dissociative disorder; so feeling pain is a bad thing; it sends me over the edge! However, If I can handle it; it is worth it to re live some things and love again in the present and see what happens!
I have to learn how to love again; and I think God is teaching how once more! we will see

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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