Feeling worthy is one of the hardest things I know... I dont know how to... Ill ask God for help and hand it over to the universe and tell the universe to teach me how to feel worthy...
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Relationships; dating. Not feeling worthy has tanked my relationships... Add dissociative disorder and I can hardly say hello to anyone.
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Im learning to trust God and move forward.
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Ive made the mistake of falling in love with people without a relationship. I know better; Im on my podium about not to do this and I did it and got destroyed and used and discarded as soon as they found out. They began to date another man and all loyalties and respect toward me was now gone. And this crushed me; but then; that was their goal; to crush me. So; they were never my friends and they did not love me or like me or respect me from the beginning and I didnt know.
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Im learning to give it to God and move forward. Its truly brutal when you think of someone you had feelings for and you'll never see them again.... if you do; it would be better if you didnt.
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These are the type of people that run decent people into the ground.
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Why would I ever associate with them. I made the mistake of opening up to the wrong people...
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Im now asking or telling God; Universe is keeping me safe.... The universe is bringing only safe people around me; no one else. I have to get out my feelings and move forward.
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Im getting stronger but Im not their yet. A gap still resides between where Im at and where I want to be....
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Im still in pain and remorse over what happened; it's sickening. But; Im moving on.... I have God and have to move forward. The people of the past that hurt me; I meant nothing to them; so; why was I associating with them; in most cases it was a mistake. And Ill find its a mistake very quickly when they screw me over.
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Im learning the hard way. I wanted something for nothing; I would not or could not respond and did not. The goal is to meet the right people not the wrong ones.
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So its being brought to my attention from God that its all about interacting and talking with women; its about facing women and talking to women. In fact; Im looking at pictures of women and I can practice talking to them; and when I do; I can feel the fear and anxiety and other stuff come up from my mental illness being triggered.
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So; Im beginning to see what the problem is; I have a phobia about letting go when in front of others; its front abuse; dissociative disorder; and thats what I have to practice.... So; I have lots of people to practice on. but even talking to the pictures; I notice I start to vanish. I dont feel worthy... nothing; just as it was when I was being abused. So; I have allot of practicing to do.
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So; Gods got my other battles and I am suppose to see pictures of women; practice talking to them; and its scary; it triggers my CPTSD and my dissociative condition. If I can get past interacting with people socially; hopefully I can build deeper in roads and relax a bit more.
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Feeling worthy sucks; but its a chance I have to take and work on...