Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1007)
Archives
- August 2019
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Feeling suicidal

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 14, 2013 12:00 pm

Ive wanted to go home. Laying in the light of God, nothing but light; Im slowly lifted through the beam of light into the heavens, away from this place. ! I truly want to die.. I always have.. The dissociative disorder protected me for many years by not allowing me to be present or feel. Possibly suicide is one of the reasons.

I do not expect my life to be long on this planet. I have no defense against suicide. The defenses were destroyed at an early age and I went into dissociative disorder. Unless I go back into full dissociative disorder and its numbing effects, I believe my time on planet earth may be short; I don't no...

This world is such a rough horrible place. I pray for no reason to stay. I have had little to no influence on the world. Possibly in the 12 step groups I have poured out messages. However, in general I have been a person that has been unseen and unnoticed.

I would like to be around decent people. none judgmental people. Im so tired of all of this. All of these people. I wanted relationships with people. I have none. The best I could do is a weirdo that no one else wants anything to do with..

Im in the middle of a huge transition. Im moving from one set of people to a new level. However, this new level is unseen. I don't know what it is or what it looks like or who is in it. Ive been here before. I end up alone. And Im tired of being alone with nothing...

I would rather be with God. I would rather die and go someone where else. I would rather leave this planet and not come back... I would like to die if I cannot live. I do not want anymore hardship. Im tired of the streets and its vicious mentality. I was thrown away most of my life. I do not want to spend the remainder of my life thrown away. Its a miracle that I am alive...

The people I have encountered in my life are horrible and vicious, regardless of how nice they attempt to act. Not all are bad. Im not suggesting that everyone is a monster. However, it seems the people Ive interacted with in my life were the wrong people and I could never find the right ones. Im still not able to find the right people. I have to work with God.

With no vision or purpose I parish! I will die. I must seek a deeper relationship with God. Something most change. I have no lower protection. I will kill myself! It means little to me to live. Living means nothing to me. I have been on borrowed time for many years. God has extended my life. Why!, I do not know. I must regain. I will parish. The PTSD problems cause allot of this.

I do not like to be alone. Alone again with no numbness... ITs like being thrown into the world with no armer...

I will have to learn how to meet new people..
--


Ive had so many losses, its crazy... I should never have lived this long. I lost all people that I valued. I valued them, they never valued me. Why am I still here! I have prayed so many times to be taken from this place. Taken from this world... I have nothing here. I am humiliated. I have been loved by no one. For I feel that love is a pure thing, it lasts. There was a few girls that loved me. I destroyed those girls and there love. Now I wish I had there love and I wish I had them.

I will have to build a better relationship with God or I will never survive. One has to have a reason to live. I have no reason..

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 19906 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, AprilDip, AProphet, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Ixion, jj19, Majestic-12 [Bot], MakersDozn, OMNICELL, Shauna87, SIF, sleepingwolf, Soatrustah, Subagandy, Trumpvv, Trumpxh, xdude