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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (902)
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- June 2019
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
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intimacy
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Identity overwhelmed
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re changing the present
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Working out of it; the struggle continues
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A new segment of life
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dealing with life from zero to 18
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Connecting to things in the real world
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Things are changing
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I have to believe more
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liking myself and dating
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Dissociation
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Love
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Happiness
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bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Feeling of social insecurity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:27 am

I hate the feeling of insecurity; I have no one; so I have to work at being around others with no home base or family! I came from falsehood; a fabricated family system; a false system create by psychopaths to exploit children; all fake. I was used then thrown away; after the process of being thrown away; I went through the equivalent of foster system; horrible/sad/derangement/death/disfigurement.
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So here I am alone; and confused. In order to have relationships, Im suppose to let my guard down. Im working on it.
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Im looking at the outside world as something to socially conquer; meaning, I re learn how to sell myself; I mean re learn pro level sales techniques and work at it. really work at it; The goal is; no one has power over me and I dont care what others think of me! And I learn how to open up and not be shy or nervous around other people. I loose my anxiety around others; thats the goal; thats a big gaol.
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The problem is all the thoughts and feelings and CPTSD running through my head and body.
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The anxiety; and the loss of direction; ive always felt so directionless; after I was thrown away as a chid. OR I should say; I never belonged to anything as a child in the first place. I was born an orphan and didnt know it; but they did; the psychopaths.
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The point is; Im now having to learn how to negotiate the outside world. I had to do this before several times with no success; it will be different this time; Im not forced in the houses of these psychopaths here I cant win and Im destroyed and thrown away or thrown out.
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I have allot of work ahead of me; the goal it so find or be around the right people. To let go of the hold old pTSD has on me.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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