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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Feeling of social insecurity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:27 am

I hate the feeling of insecurity; I have no one; so I have to work at being around others with no home base or family! I came from falsehood; a fabricated family system; a false system create by psychopaths to exploit children; all fake. I was used then thrown away; after the process of being thrown away; I went through the equivalent of foster system; horrible/sad/derangement/death/disfigurement.
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So here I am alone; and confused. In order to have relationships, Im suppose to let my guard down. Im working on it.
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Im looking at the outside world as something to socially conquer; meaning, I re learn how to sell myself; I mean re learn pro level sales techniques and work at it. really work at it; The goal is; no one has power over me and I dont care what others think of me! And I learn how to open up and not be shy or nervous around other people. I loose my anxiety around others; thats the goal; thats a big gaol.
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The problem is all the thoughts and feelings and CPTSD running through my head and body.
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The anxiety; and the loss of direction; ive always felt so directionless; after I was thrown away as a chid. OR I should say; I never belonged to anything as a child in the first place. I was born an orphan and didnt know it; but they did; the psychopaths.
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The point is; Im now having to learn how to negotiate the outside world. I had to do this before several times with no success; it will be different this time; Im not forced in the houses of these psychopaths here I cant win and Im destroyed and thrown away or thrown out.
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I have allot of work ahead of me; the goal it so find or be around the right people. To let go of the hold old pTSD has on me.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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