Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Fear zone-

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:10 am

Im beginning to hit the first of the fear zone pockets!
When I was young; when I was about 14; God brogan me my soulmate; someone I would marry and be with the rest of my life! I chickened out! stunned by my own behavior; something stopped me from being with the person I loved! and it was a giant thick wall of fear; a social kind of sickening fear; a mix of terror and contempt; a panic! I panicked! a panic attack! or a panic condition that freaked me out and sent me back into a childhood state! This situation triggered mass PTSD!
The question is; was this break down legitimate or simply distorted information from the past appearing real! Was it just fear! Was their substance behind my " not getting involved".
I got this fear when young; Im around the wrong people, Im playing with the wrong people; dont get to involved! When I started to get involved; I clammed up and ran off! I never came out of my shell ever again! and I wondered; why not manifest people like myself, that are introverts who like to stay in their clam shell! I stepped out on a limb like I had it going on, and then when I was called on it; I ran off! I chickened out! Scared and with true terror, I was trembling in my socks! And in reality, I had no one to turn to when I was in this state!
Im now looking at these terror walls, for Im triggering them again; this time I go to source energy God and talk to God about them; what am I suppose to do; what direction do I go! my mind gets flooded with negatives and I want to pull back; I've gotten in over my head with the wrong people! and I want out into a better life; so I withdraw!
I have to work with God; for I get to involved in the world and want to withdraw!
Its like buying a car that requires maintenance bills i cant afford; I want to withdraw!
Im feeling in affective! I feel like the president! he had good ideas until he walked into the position and realized what he was getting into; it was a vat of concrete; he couldn't move in any direction or make any effective changes because he was countered by opposition in every direction!
The state of panic terror fear is real; the feelings and thoughts appear to be real! Its like not being in control, so I pull back! I will have to talk to God about it!
I just left and came back from a meeting! a strange thing happened! I got something out of it I needed to hear; not because of the past or trying to solve the past, but to solve something of what Ive been feeling tonight!
So, Im utilizing meeting to simply get out of isolation and deal with my future plans!
I still have problems with people! I have a problem trusting anyone or throwing my personal stuff on the table in front of others; not easy, ive gotten tuff'n up to it!
Getting close, physically close to people is hard; PTSD/dissociative disorder! and one must realize, I can tell other people this; they dont understand; the general public doesn't care! their thinking bout themselves; not all of them, but enough of them to cause my nerves to get frayed.
So, Im slowly coming out of the " feel sorry for me" state and the " Im better then you " state! feeling sorry for myself and Pride are 2 very clear killers of my life! non of this is easy!
One goal; keep working with God to find better people to associate with or a better life; what do I want!
I have this problem; I keep expecting one type of people to be another! and i get mad when I expect them to be one thing and they turn out to be the opposite; I feel betrayed and yet, they never owed me anything in the first place; however, this does not mean I have to associate with them; Im not free rent! and many people will try to get away with thinking I am!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2726 times

Who is online

Registered users: Allcoulors, Amythyst, asp3rg3r, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], CinnamonRoll, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IainEtc, jj19, justonemoreperson, LearningToo, m00m33mii, marathon, MSN [Bot], Schizological1, Tyler, Zoicite23