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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Fear of beautiful women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:43 pm

Im sure theirs a phobia name for it.

Gynophobia: the fear or Horror Feminae! Yes, I have this! or some of this. However, its suggests Im also a masochist! Hmmm.... I guess so! Im not sure...

t is, perhaps, not difficult to account for the horror — much stronger than that normally felt toward a person of the same sex — with which the invert often regards the sexual organs of persons of the opposite sex. It cannot be said that the sexual organs of either sex under the influence of sexual excitement are esthetically pleasing; they only become emotionally desirable through the parallel excitement of the beholder. When the absence of parallel excitement is accompanied in the beholder by the sense of unfamiliarity as in childhood, or by a neurotic hypersensitiveness, the conditions are present for the production of intense horror feminae or horror masculis, as the case may be. It is possible that, as Otto Rank argues in his interesting study, "Die Nacktheit in Sage und Dichtung," [sic] this horror of the sexual organs of the opposite sex, to some extent felt even by normal people, is embodied in the Melusine type of legend.[6]

This suggests Im afraid of women's organs.. F@ck!

Possibly afraid they will find me staring at their organs.. Bling!

I have this Gynophobia; its terror, and that is not all! 2 other problems;

I have no development! and this is a brutal strange immaturity! its horrible for social acceptance; scares the f@ck out me if anyone finds out! I will be the laughing stock of the village!

I tried to tell myself that none of this matters. For God sake, nothing else matters. This is human living! this is all that matters. What the f@ck was I f@cking smoking when I thought to check out of life! What did I think was going to take its place; fantasy! F@ck, what am I thinking about!

Allot of this is fear of approach! and standing next to someone that doesn't give a f@ck! They can take me or leave me! and all of these things are much bigger then my insecurities. I do not think I can match up or even play in this game of confidence.

I have no confidence. I mean I really have no confidence! Im attempting to get honest about it that I can start to work on a solution!

The first idea is to feel comfertable around people and be myself!

Its about building confidence; and that is done through real experience close up!

Close up means; you are making girls laugh close up! you are in front of them taking chances! that is the only way to gain real experience. Real experience gains confidence!

I think the key is; as a man, its an inside job. You have to do the work on the inside to make you strong again! I use 12 step system and groups.. and many other things for my recovery work.

If Im having a real problem with women; I have more work to work on myself. At some point the fear of being in front of someone and talking to someone closeup must occur!

I don't have to practice with the same people! My biggest problem is wanting to impress the women at the meetings when they are just playing me! They don't see me and could careless.

I want to hang with them, be accepted with them, get attention from them, knowing that they like me!
I want them to dual all over me! I want their attention because I have always known I was worth it!

I am treated less then what Im worth by most people!

I am treated less then by most people! No one sees my worth! and Im not responding to it. Im acting if! I can't do anything else when attacked.

My mother destroyed me and had no feelings for me! and never wanted to see me again for any reason! She treated my brothers and myself like slaves. We did not know what was going on until it was to late!

My mind was already crushed from long term PTSD problems, I had no chance! trauma was destroying me as much as she was... Soon, there was no need for a mother to destroy me! mental illness begin to destroy me! and the community and original family system abandon me as fast as possible! laughing all the way to the bank. Murderers, that is all these people ever were. Evil worthless trash!

------------------

When I was young; I was blocked from working out my own feelings and attitudes. I remember my house, and other houses down the blocks and the fiends I had.

When my original house was taken way, or I taken from it,, No one cared that I could not process information anymore.... I could go no further into that past!

Im trying to open up that past! The problem is the break that occurred that separated me from that past! That break was deep and wide. Im attempting to go past that break and get my past; bring it back in alignment. It is my past and no one has the right to take it from me!

I was frightened out of my past; intimidated out of it! It was my past, I was terrorized out of it! I would say in a sense; I was threatened that if I remembered anything of my original self, I would be abandon with permanence! That was the subtle underlining control these people had over me! it was like being a slave under captures.

Im attempting to face this and get my past memories back to self.

Within me; I have been trained out of looking at my own memories. Its as if a guard or monster is in my head! it gets unleashed if I look at myself! I was trained that my memories and self belonged to the captors! And they could rent me out any time they wanted. I was convinced that I did not own myself; my inner self or my brain or mind or potential.

It makes me so sick to see all of this! its horrible that this happened. Its beyond belief! Theres no way to describe to anyone what this is like. To have this nightmare happen!
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On a positive note; Im finally leaving my church. The idiot running it, as ran of most of the people. Im finally leaving! Ive already switched churches.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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