Im slowly making improvements, getting better... Anxiety walls are huge, so big that they block me like a wall, yet, Ive been this way for so long, I no longer feel the pain, just the dysfunction...
Im doing much better around people. Im not giving in to people that use me.. Im walking away from them, regardless of how good they look... Im interacting much more.. Its very painful and difficult, I have mass PTSD problems that can make a person unable to respond. Im learning again how to respond, much like a paraplegic relearns how to walk..
When I pick a person and give them attention, Im finding they start picking me out of the crowd to give me attention... I never knew I could have that kind of influence; Its like they come alive, and Im part of the reason. Also, I can ignore a person into pain and sorrow, Im learning not to do this.
Im more solid, and I pray, and I always will pray for those who will take there lives tonight, especially the teenagers.. what a horrible place this world can be... iS!,
I am getting stronger when dealing with women... A man needs his strength back.. His strength is what carries him through..
Im learning to pay attention to her, do not ignore her or she will disappear for ever... I have no real information from relationships, Ive had so few of them...
I hope not to go through to many more girls.. Im hoping to actually play the courtship game correctly and complete the biological checkerboard with the right moves and get a girlfriend... Im running out of local women in my groups that would be of interest...
Ive been making music, I need to practice in other arts including acting... I have to keep it alive.
grateful
Its interesting to watch a life come back...