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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/facing_my_manhood_before_i_deal_with_women_b-13612_sid-7d9c7843b486575e10a2db6e96add2c1.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon Feb 01, 2021 5:15 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Facing my manhood before I deal with women |
Work before I meet women; when young; a child; I had a best friend and then he left and I was all alone and everything crumbled; and I crumbled. And I was left alone to parish; I was abandon; He did not care either way; later I realized he was a monster... No friend. But I was left all alone; I went into a state of shock and I have never come out of it; It is my work to come out of that state of shock and start solving problem from that age perspective with the help of God; but just saying that with such a problem of vulnerability at that age; meaning; Im at that young age inside with no protection; Im in a taste of freeze mode and fear and Im all alone; the key is to work with God to unlock me; get new friends that I trust or have God bring new people I can trust... Have God and see what shows up... Im on my own... meaning; working with God but I have to accept that Im OK and on my own. Ive been thrown out or thrown away; so I have to accept that; Im on my own; and the work before that; the work of being a second grader feeling basically safe in life and normal to someone completely thrown away a few years later or to feel its going to happen sooner or later I can see the signs of something impending showing up and how to accept that and move into it or with Gods help around it to a higher ground of protection; something within that. Better start at first grade. . The ego part of me has to come down; thats the part of letting someone into my life into my apartment into my bed. I dont trust people; they have to prove their trust or no go or I have to find different people. . Ill have to trust God on the new people; I dont know how to attract new people of any worth; the ones Ive met are shallow; Im not sure how to attract them. I dont have the highest level economics; Im not sure what to do..... Or where to turn; Ill have work with God on this... . I mean it; Ill have to work with God on this. This is one of those areas I feel all alone on. No place to go no friends; nothing. Other people have not wanted to be my friends; Lots of stuck up people out their that want to judge me on my clothing or looks or other things; I dont want anything to do with those kinds of people and I dont want to be friends with them; non of them; they think they are the One true God. And it its pure evil; and I dont want anything to do with it; nothing... Ill have to trust God and keep working at it... finding worthy people; have not found to many so far... very little. . . Ill work with God. I dont know. . ive had some women that wanted to take care of me; but they would want to take care of the next guy as well if I dont show up and they want him younger with a nicer car; richer parents and better education and future and a bigger D__k. I cant complete with someone when the pursuer wants something better then me... I dont want to be around people that are operating in bargaining for position; women looking for the beset bargain possible. No interest in who the person is; just what their Bank roll. That wont do me; its a deceptive waist of time. . Problems with women; Im caught between 2 worlds. Im not really myself when Im around women. and Im play acting another roll. If Im my real self; I dont know how to be myself; or dress as myself or anything else. I dont know how. Ill have to work with God on this; Im stuck; I need more development to get up to speed with who I want to be again.... that is a huge area and one God will have to take me down a journey for. I see it; the idea; but it takes me back to childhood where Im not part of anymore. Maybe I need to become part of it again. And be around the right people who want to help at this newer level. We will see. . Im getting somewhere talking about the different time periods of childhood I was going to develop but never got a chance to develop; and they need a chance; I have to get in touch with those parts of self and develop them again; I see its coming; we will see. |
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