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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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enemies and friends

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:47 pm

The people I looked up to are turning into my enemies; I suppose they always were! I was to scared to question. I was lying to myself!

I was groomed into friendship with them. I was taken advantage of because I was so easy to take advantage of. I thought they thought I was God! they allowed me to think that!

while I was looking at myself and my mirror and the sky at which I came from, they were robbing me blind from underneath! I guess I wasn't the guru I thought I was! There is only one Jesus! Im not it! And that infuriates me! I wanted to be worshiped and God. Im a narcissist!

I wanted friends; people who would love me for who I am. I brought out the innocent sensitive person! they crushed me and dragged me under foot.

I won't let go, after the fact! These people took advantage of me; You win!. Intellectually I can see this; Emotionally I can't take this anymore. and it is my emotions they seek to destroy! They are trying to slowly kill me; these type of people! I let them. Im to scared to fight back! Ive been taken hostage by my abusers.

I seem to need abusers to sustain my life; its all I know! I am to scared to say anything or fight back! I am sheepish, bashful and frightened.

I have a lot of wealth within me! I am choosing to accept the prior people in my life never saw that wealth; altho it was in front of them, out in the open; amazing!

What a bunch of f@cking weirdoes; despicable worthless scum; they are the enemy of God and everything God stands for! I must realize I was in my own holy war; civil war of good and evil. The middle class tried to destroy a God child, in the face of listening to Christian tapes and going to churches. What a bunch of ######6 murderers. I am a witness. I was the one they murdered. and they murdered more then me! Some never got up again! and some killed themselves later! So sad. May God forgive me for not finding them sooner and putting my arms around them and protecting them before they left.

This society has driven its own citizenry to kill themselves; to die alone! They have to die alone; they have no one that cares about them; its ridiculous. Dogs are kept better then people in this place. How much more does a man have to take!

This society is ran by sociopaths. Just because I get peace or feel better about myself; I will not forget the poor! for I will always be one; and my scares shall thus prove it.

I am gratefully thankful that God will allow me extended days of shelter, food and human female companionship n comfort! no man could ask for me!

I prey I am never thrown back into the meat grinder; I will be forced to never remember who I am!

I must follow God, more n more.

I am like any man! Ive had problems with Drugs and alcohol. Ive watched to much porn into Im drawn in it. Ive wanted to go to war and blow things up, and ###$ things up! but I am learning!

Goals;

I love playing drums! but I do not have the ability to manage a place to play. I have to feel safe! I can't be stripped and naked to the world over n over. I do not want over exposure. I am an introvert! I need walls around me and a private life... I need to protect self, I am damaged. I do not want more damage. Its so disheartening when I think about drums... I give up! I feel the same way about singing. Whats the use, I have no where to practice!

I will wait on God! Im not giving myself away to be trampled underfoot, then torn into pieces.

-=------------------------------------------------------------

The goal is to study dating material and learn more on how to approach people and make friends!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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