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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (956)
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- July 2019
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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enemies and friends

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:47 pm

The people I looked up to are turning into my enemies; I suppose they always were! I was to scared to question. I was lying to myself!

I was groomed into friendship with them. I was taken advantage of because I was so easy to take advantage of. I thought they thought I was God! they allowed me to think that!

while I was looking at myself and my mirror and the sky at which I came from, they were robbing me blind from underneath! I guess I wasn't the guru I thought I was! There is only one Jesus! Im not it! And that infuriates me! I wanted to be worshiped and God. Im a narcissist!

I wanted friends; people who would love me for who I am. I brought out the innocent sensitive person! they crushed me and dragged me under foot.

I won't let go, after the fact! These people took advantage of me; You win!. Intellectually I can see this; Emotionally I can't take this anymore. and it is my emotions they seek to destroy! They are trying to slowly kill me; these type of people! I let them. Im to scared to fight back! Ive been taken hostage by my abusers.

I seem to need abusers to sustain my life; its all I know! I am to scared to say anything or fight back! I am sheepish, bashful and frightened.

I have a lot of wealth within me! I am choosing to accept the prior people in my life never saw that wealth; altho it was in front of them, out in the open; amazing!

What a bunch of f@cking weirdoes; despicable worthless scum; they are the enemy of God and everything God stands for! I must realize I was in my own holy war; civil war of good and evil. The middle class tried to destroy a God child, in the face of listening to Christian tapes and going to churches. What a bunch of ######6 murderers. I am a witness. I was the one they murdered. and they murdered more then me! Some never got up again! and some killed themselves later! So sad. May God forgive me for not finding them sooner and putting my arms around them and protecting them before they left.

This society has driven its own citizenry to kill themselves; to die alone! They have to die alone; they have no one that cares about them; its ridiculous. Dogs are kept better then people in this place. How much more does a man have to take!

This society is ran by sociopaths. Just because I get peace or feel better about myself; I will not forget the poor! for I will always be one; and my scares shall thus prove it.

I am gratefully thankful that God will allow me extended days of shelter, food and human female companionship n comfort! no man could ask for me!

I prey I am never thrown back into the meat grinder; I will be forced to never remember who I am!

I must follow God, more n more.

I am like any man! Ive had problems with Drugs and alcohol. Ive watched to much porn into Im drawn in it. Ive wanted to go to war and blow things up, and ###$ things up! but I am learning!

Goals;

I love playing drums! but I do not have the ability to manage a place to play. I have to feel safe! I can't be stripped and naked to the world over n over. I do not want over exposure. I am an introvert! I need walls around me and a private life... I need to protect self, I am damaged. I do not want more damage. Its so disheartening when I think about drums... I give up! I feel the same way about singing. Whats the use, I have no where to practice!

I will wait on God! Im not giving myself away to be trampled underfoot, then torn into pieces.

-=------------------------------------------------------------

The goal is to study dating material and learn more on how to approach people and make friends!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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