Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Emotional melt down!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:07 am

So, Im seeing more n more of where the pain is coming from as I make a transformation back to freedom!

My God; freedom is painful! Im feeling the pain under the dissociative disorder! It hurts so horribly! Its horrible! Intense!

ITs like having a thousand people a 10 thousand times; run you over and abuse you; over n over n over! I assume this was causes by my mother and Grandfather originally! All caused from abuse!

Im feeling so much pain! Its like a thousand knives going into my heart! But I can feel! But I don't like what Im feeling! It makes me want to throw up! Its horrible and way over the top! Im overloaded; Im overdosing on abuse pain from every angle and time period; all hitting on me at once!

This is keeping me from getting close to women that want to sleep with me! I cant sleep with them if I am like this; its sucks!

Im tired of this! I want to sleep with all these women! They want me; I want them!

I see evil; I see what happened to me; I was betrayed and lied to; I did not have the friends I thought I had! They were liars; and now I know! All of them; in every direction! They were not just Godless! They were Evil! They were Godless and with direction of evil!

I was with God! And I was ran over and destroyed over n over n over n over n over n over n over n over!

And now Im feeling these tread marks on my heart! Or the deepest part of my heart! Im puking from the pain of it! Its horrible; it goes down into thickness! Its thick with horror and contempt and pain and sorrow and fear and terror! I was terrified! And terror is the name of this! Horror and terror!

I was destroyed and abused! And the base of this is my mother; I and with no remorse to inflict pain on young children! I must have been a whipping post of abuse; for her and many others when young! It is all built up in me and coming out!

There is no right place to deal with this! Any place; as long as one is in recovery; is the right place to deal with this!

The positive;
Im dealing with the pain that was inflicted on me at all times by my original family; but it's coming out around people in the groups! this is a positive thing! it's not isolated with the abusers! it's coming out and triggered around a room full of people in the recovery process! it means, it's not isolated with the abusers where I am stuck and alone! and this is great news! the problem is the pain and the nature of this!

I must keep working to get this out! Get it out until Im well! Or well enough for sanity to approach others! And ask for what I want!

All of this abuse pain keeps me from others! From approaching others!

And I have asked God for help and the ability to move forward with relationships and activities! And this is exactly what is happening!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 12899 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], EdwardLaure, Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, WayneSit