Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
Archives
- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

economics

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Nov 04, 2015 1:15 am

Nothing hurts more or is seen as a deterrent of the mental condition then failed Un developed relationships; non use of talents, and abilities and or money!

Today I ordered winter clothing! Ive been ordering personalized mountain biking clothing( meaning Ive put some time into what I want to wear)! Im not talking about clothing with my signature on them! Ive ordered specific style of clothing for about 4 year now! before that; nothing! maybe Levi's!

Ive been ordering my own clothing choice for about 4 to 5 years! Ive never ordered winter clothing! Not yet; not until this year! Before this; anything I could get at Walmart was Ok! I never felt good enough to finish the seasons! only one season! 2 buy for two seasons was to independent jump; winter/summer

CLothing;

2 pairs of winter snow pants; $260
1 pair of winter boots $150
snow cloves $50
snow parka with hood $250

And their it is! Winter clothing!

It feels good; but it scares me! now Im in the economic brackets with everyone else in the world! and Im at the lowest level! It means my mental health is able to come back to a point of remembering middle classism! but Im on state help!

I received a small bit of money and bought winter clothing, a bike, and bike repairs! some music computer software!

Im middle class! I have an education! I guess Im middle class! I don't know what I am! Im just waking up! I'm waking up from the stuff that college people bitch about all the time! Life! Im starting to get some answers and wake up! And it's happening for me!

I thought I had support when a child and loved! it was all a lie and a joke! all of it! I was played the whole time!

I have no money to speak of! But lots of middle class things I like to buy!

I have the ideas but no place and no money for them! I will have to pray and trust God!

Its good! I mean! Im taking the responsibility my mother would have had when I was young; Im taking it over; this is good!

But I do not have enough money to cover a middle class life style!

Nowadays; things are different with different economic names! Im aware that many people don't live the middle class tradition any longer; its Un realistic! Anyway!

Im simply suggesting the confusion of coming back to reality broke but with a good and intelligent vision!

It's frustrating when you have dreams and limited funds or a limited place to live! Or limited transportation! I suppose its whats important to you; thats what you go after and strive for!

Ill have to remember this!

Sometimes you give up! Thinking that your dream is so impossible you go into denial about ever wanting it!

If you cant have a place of your own to bang drums and look through telescopes! You go into denial of ever wanting such a place! You take your drums and telescopes and give them way; whats the point! And then you spend the rest of your life trying to be somebody else!

Im attempting to talk to God about all of this!

Im waking up! I must keep at it! Any wake up is good; However, I must remember what happened to me in 11th and 10 grade! I snapped once again! At age 14 I started coming out of it! By the time I was 16, I went under for the rest of my life! Such pain!

I loved this girl more then life itself and I lost her!~ what horrible pain this was! Torture and loss! Horrible horrible horrible!

Now, I have to hunker down and keep at it! Keep writing music and keep talking to women! And keep writing; the idea is for the real intellectual independent me to surface!

For most of my life my mother had control of me the way a serial killer has control of his victim!; and all through intimidation and fear and fright! Bulling! Even when she is gone; she is still in me controlling me!

I must trust God; that God will bring me back from when I slept! And Ive slept at different times in my life!

Now, I awake once more! And I must watch it! To stay awake, I must stay in the recovery process!

All this writing is part of the helping process!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2448 times

Who is online

Registered users: Allcoulors, Amythyst, AProphet, ArbreMonde, Aries411, Bing [Bot], CinnamonRoll, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, justonemoreperson, lilyfairy, Majestic-12 [Bot], MSN [Bot], Seppy, Tyler, Wally58