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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/early_childhood%C7%83_b-7864_sid-44c764776acea2466aa55351660e39b6.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Mon Jan 05, 2015 5:19 am ]
Blog Subject:  Early childhood!

Early childhood is where the pain is! the dissociation, the evil! Evil was brought into it!

I was used, not loved! and my childhood closed down to me! closed down completely! Even God closed it down! not because individual events were bad; It was closed down because it was stolen! it was ripped out at the roots! and it was ripped out like a Syrian beheading! It was over in a second!

I had no time to process anything! It was gone! and I was gone! and no more parents or family or life!

Now I go back into that time period and look at what was stolen from me! and all things were stolen from me of that time period! That was my life! now it is just merrier images of a time period gone! and Im infuriated by it! Thus the work of psychopaths! They destroyed this!

So, I see myself at Christmas, opening presents, everything seems perfect! if could not be better! I have older brothers, a house, a mother, a, father! a yard, leaves, a neighborhood! friends, a school!

What I don't know is the people Im living with! Ive worked my way out of the house, into the worlds of other people, newer friends! Im out of the house! Im out n about! Im ready and interested in meeting new people! being apart of things! New experiences!

As a child, I assume my father is going to help me build my first car! Little did I know, that the place we were living was little more then a truck stop! Meaning, he would be on his way, after using everyone! We did not stay in that house for all that long or that neighborhood! But that was my neighborhood! and It seemed like it was for ever! it had all my bringing memories! and all my childhood friends!

When these people ruined it for us, they told everyone we were bad children! it made them look innocent! I was not prepared for this type of trash!

A child has the right! its that simple! its human rights! The damage these people caused! its unattainable !

They destroyed every dream! They were fracturing a nightmare! they were creating a nightmare! They were purposely creating a nightmare on innocent people! on children! unsuspecting children! I hate this $#%^!

And I have to get mad and grieve all of it! it was all fake! I trusted these worthless vermin and I ######6 hate myself for it!
Im mad at myself for ever trusting those people! any of them from this family system! I must have been out of my mind! its insane; all of it, all of them! everyone of them and there sick family systems!

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I remember a vid on the battle over the skies! The air battle between England and Germany! One young German pilot; about 20 years old, loved Adolf Hitler! He thought Adolf was God! Only to realize later that the German army had been used! and he had been used! he mentioned how embarrassed he was! He realized Adolf Hitler ordered the deaths of 9 million Jewish people! That was enough! This pilot realized his whole country had been lied to and used! You could see the look in his face! the pain of being manipulated by a common thief! Some worthless vermin named Adolf Hitler! This kid had been used! and realized the fighting was for nothing!

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I was called worthless vermin by the family system and friends I used to see as family! they all called me worthless when I was mentally ill! They attacked me like predators in a jungle! Predators of hate!

The problem; they did not understand human beings! They refused to treat me as a human being!

Now I know why! I was not of interest to any of these people! I meant nothing! my life meant nothing! My death meant nothing! They were worthless trash!

Its better now to dig in deeper and keep pulling all the memories out and looking at them!
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I remember boat trips and vacations! they were all lies! The father of the house was not working! he was living of his wife! and expecting her to front the whole affair! but you would not think so!

He got to live the father life as if with children! but then he was gone! When he left! she simply sold the house and left! she could careless!

She used him to get into a family system so she was taken care of! she did not care about the people in the family system!

If I had known about these people, I would have ran away or asked for foster care and got out of there! it was a nightmare! It was a nightmare because they were not real parents! they were sociopaths acting out rolls that turned them on and nothing more! When they got tired of it! they left! and never thought another word about it!

I was dumped! ITs very important to go through all of it until it deflates and I can get on with my life! and that will happen! as the pTSD worlds are coming down; the symptoms; the PTSD remains! abut the systems! and Im aware that its all lies! Inside my head is a world, out side my head is also a world! I used to only see the world inside my head! now Im starting to see the world outside!

Im more interested in the world outside and not the one inside! The inside world is a lie! Something went terribly wrong in my youth! I was not protected and did not have a family!

I had sociopaths playing games with me! thats what was happening!

They forgot many things as well; birthdays and other things!

I was waiting for football games and social events! but I knew something was wrong! and I knew I was not protected! something was wrong! something was wrong! the strength of the family was leaving! I could feel it! and something was wrong! He was not paying attention to me! something was wrong! I thought it was wrong with me!

But I saw a movie on God, and I loved God, and these people hated me for it! They were proud to say they did not have a relationship with God and never would! and over n over, I realized the kind of vermin I was dealing with! they did not care if they ever saw me again for any reason! I meant nothing to them! They were common trash!


Some of the problems;

my schooling was destroyed!

I wanted to be an actor; all of that was destroyed, as my schooling was destroyed! all interests were destroyed! I was being groomed into poverty! other family members fell into drugs, no one cared! I did! but could not help! later it was a mistake to get near any of them! anyone from that family system! any of them! I meant nothing to any of them! I still don't!

And I want to get over them and move on with my life; and I think its possible, but its to soon!

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