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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1145)
Archives
- January 2021
The social; or new social begins
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 11:41 pm
I cant be friends with women
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:51 am
friendships... Is that what women wanted?
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 1:30 am
Problems with women I guess? My problems ?
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:44 pm
Stuff about sex; and not allowing sex
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 8:48 pm
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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DTD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:28 pm

Im looking to merge with self! the idea is to merge with the time period I got destroyed; and its possible because Ive done massive work! ITs about remembering who I was at that age, what I was thinking about and merging with him now; this includes the understanding with the child in me and with me; Im letting go of most if not all the people of that time period; most were dangerous to me; lethal is a better word! I was pulled into a trap; I was innocent and had absolutely no idea; nothing! I had no defenses up against anything! I never thought about defenses! Its possible that at the age of 10, I had the maturity of a 5 year old! and I believe it! their was no growth from 1st grad to 5th grade; nothing! I continued to wait for my parents to show up to start my education or belief in myself or interests! Instead of help me; they through me away! I was for ever locked in a noose of ice and stillness!
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Now, as I wake up; Im urging myself to pull together; pull together the memories I remember and who I am now!
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The last thing I remember was beneath the planet of the apes; this is about 1971!, but it feels totally normal to me! In fact, all my memories seem normal; the problem is, I haven't continued them! they stop at about 1972 or 1973! Id be about 10 years old!
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The gaol is to merge them with now! its possible! Ive had luck and success so far; Im simply looking for the next immersion! The next integration of past self and present! Not easy! nothing is easy!
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When I can merge with the 10 year old; he starts doing what he feels in the here n now, in the present; and I cant wait! should be fun! Im already doing it! One important aspect is that my friend from the past; boy hood friend is not with me; for he was never my friend! secretly and fiendishly I was being used!
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I was developing at that time; whats sick, about my childhood! I had a whole world of memories from being younger! from 3 years old to 10 years old; I had a whole world of history! I was a living breathing human being, then destroyed or erased!
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The goal for immersion into self is more talking with the right people; learning how to approach people and talk again; with nice people or more sophisticated educated people!
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The point is; the emergence of selves is needed to do things now; to be developmental; to function again; to come out of CPTSD/DTD! To move from it; to function from it! to move out of the old PTSD slide shows of a thousand slides in my mind of trapped hopelessness! to move to a better life without the need of anyone showing up from my past because of developmental trauma!
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Im learning I can now do things on my own to get the help I need to become independent again! So, Im working on integration! Im trying knew techniques so I can get the right people involved to help me mature past the DTD problem time periods!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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