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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
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- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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DTD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:28 pm

Im looking to merge with self! the idea is to merge with the time period I got destroyed; and its possible because Ive done massive work! ITs about remembering who I was at that age, what I was thinking about and merging with him now; this includes the understanding with the child in me and with me; Im letting go of most if not all the people of that time period; most were dangerous to me; lethal is a better word! I was pulled into a trap; I was innocent and had absolutely no idea; nothing! I had no defenses up against anything! I never thought about defenses! Its possible that at the age of 10, I had the maturity of a 5 year old! and I believe it! their was no growth from 1st grad to 5th grade; nothing! I continued to wait for my parents to show up to start my education or belief in myself or interests! Instead of help me; they through me away! I was for ever locked in a noose of ice and stillness!
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Now, as I wake up; Im urging myself to pull together; pull together the memories I remember and who I am now!
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The last thing I remember was beneath the planet of the apes; this is about 1971!, but it feels totally normal to me! In fact, all my memories seem normal; the problem is, I haven't continued them! they stop at about 1972 or 1973! Id be about 10 years old!
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The gaol is to merge them with now! its possible! Ive had luck and success so far; Im simply looking for the next immersion! The next integration of past self and present! Not easy! nothing is easy!
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When I can merge with the 10 year old; he starts doing what he feels in the here n now, in the present; and I cant wait! should be fun! Im already doing it! One important aspect is that my friend from the past; boy hood friend is not with me; for he was never my friend! secretly and fiendishly I was being used!
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I was developing at that time; whats sick, about my childhood! I had a whole world of memories from being younger! from 3 years old to 10 years old; I had a whole world of history! I was a living breathing human being, then destroyed or erased!
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The goal for immersion into self is more talking with the right people; learning how to approach people and talk again; with nice people or more sophisticated educated people!
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The point is; the emergence of selves is needed to do things now; to be developmental; to function again; to come out of CPTSD/DTD! To move from it; to function from it! to move out of the old PTSD slide shows of a thousand slides in my mind of trapped hopelessness! to move to a better life without the need of anyone showing up from my past because of developmental trauma!
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Im learning I can now do things on my own to get the help I need to become independent again! So, Im working on integration! Im trying knew techniques so I can get the right people involved to help me mature past the DTD problem time periods!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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