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Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1051)
- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

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Dissociative people write blogs

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue May 07, 2019 6:18 pm

Im dissociative; I write blogs. I was thrown away; Im a throw away.
Its interesting; Im a communicative person; should be around others talking to them; but Im not; Im all alone talking to myself all day long; loudly, and I write blogs; but no people are involved in my personal life. Im looking to change this.
I pop in n out of personalities; Im not blacking out anymore; as far as I know; However, it happens at minor levels; A few minutes at a time; the problem is blacking out with dissociative disorder; I have no idea its happened; only through evidence; and that evidence stuns me. However, at times; it leaves clues and I know Ive blacked out.
Im spent my life looking for love or being cast out by others because they refused to love me or accept me. So; Ive ended up in bad bad places.
My dissociative condition has led me to believe that anyone can love me and will if I press in on it; However, in reality; very few if any quality people showed up around me; usually, I was associating with abusive people that would soon abuse me and I would be hurt and devastated and confused about the whole affair.
Im now starting to wake up a bit.
I have; so much PTSD; all the time; always flashing back when ever I attempt to step out of the box; sucks; is what it is. So; Im working on it.
I never developed since 5th grade; and that is a horror show disaster for a human; that means; no relationships, no work, no car; nothing. no devilment foundation that would lend to such things; Ive been lost in a haze of loneliness and saddened confusion, wondering when I would go home to my house on C street; the one I was pulled out of; that has been one of the biggest battles and one of the focused areas that consumes my energies. Im now a bit better; Im stronger with the idea of the future. I now know; I never developed a future; so, how could I have one; thus, a broken mind wanted to go home to the past; the only home I ever had; and that lasted up to the 5th grade. However, only in nursery school did I get to develop; in first grade; I did not; other kids did. I did not; I was thrown away. and it will just get worse. Finally in 4th grade Im aware of it; something is dreadfully wrong; horribly wrong with my life; its turning out right; not like other children; Im like a 5 year old inside; no development; nothing. Im put in the class with the dumb kids; and Im brilliant; nothing makes any sense. When I take tests at the end of the year for class; Im flunking all of them because Im not studying. In fact; in the second grade Im in summer school; because work has to be made up; and its this way through 5th grade I think. And problems start to occur in 5th grade; bulling and Im beginning to get destroyed at home; neglected and a deeper from of being thrown away. no one cares; no one comes to my rescue; no one cares about me; that I was born; nothing. and now; it will get a whole lot worse, and theirs no one to tell or care.
My mind goes from victim to mentally ill person to artist to nice guy, to violent vengeful wanting to start a civil war; back to a small child. The thoughts in my head are of a past of insanity and horror because of neglect and other problems. Or the real serious problems of real serious neglect; and that is a horror show of 10 out of 10.
So; my goal is to interact with others; I have to imagine who I want to meet; and thus lies the problem; for Im not sure what personality Im using for my imagination; and that can cause limits.
The goal is to change my thinking; create what I want to create in my mind and go after what Im creating in my mind; allow the universe to bring it to me; allow the universe to bring me the plans for what I want; that is my work at the present.


Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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