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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Delving into childhood

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:09 pm

So, what I have here is a childhood! And that childhood is going well for a few years! However, silent death is stalking me in the form of neglect! It's a silent killer! Like clear poison added to water in a clear sparkling class; tasteless, I wont no, until its to late! Then death is upon you!

Let the reader understand;

Children are like clear water! They are priceless and have no blemish! All they know is clear untouched water!

In this world; there are monsters that stalk children as pray! The reason; within a tribe or herd; children are the weakest part of that herd! Children, the old, the sick, the lunatic, the disfranchised! These are the weakest of the herd! And the predators natural instincts will find the weakest most vulnerable!

Where doeth the psychopath shop! Where do they do their business of chopping heads and hearts and taking the life from the breathing whale!

1. The closest pray
2. The closest pray
3. The closest pray

They will attack children; and they will attack children that are the closest pray!

Psychopaths falsify identity to fit in! They are truly false! They are a fabrication of the truth! Amen!

As a child I had no idea I was being eaten alive! But I was! Slowly, One bit at a time! Children have a tendency to believe their situation normal just harder or softer then other children! " my life is the same as my other friends! I just have to work harder to be like them"!

When I was a child! I was being destroyed slowly! Because of the false identification of the scum running the family system; something I had no choice to be part of; I felt fine, but was slipping in areas of school and life interests and relationships! I was becoming lost and day dreaming all the time! This was a result of neglect!

I was OK; then out of nowhere psychological bombs dropped; One after the other! No child should be forced to deal with bombs like this dropping on the landscape!

I was torn inside out! I was morbidly and badly damaged! I was in the process of being thrown away; gotten rid of; permanently! I had no where to go! Its was lights out for this life! I was not coming back!

The reason I was pulled from my life; the psychopaths were looking for new pray! If their environment does not pan out for their fun; they pack up and leave and find a new opportunity for themselves! They leave everything behind! If they have kids; they leave the kids in the area they created them and move on! They could careless for ever!

The sociopath would or could have them killed! And or given away to the state! They don't care! The psychopath sees children as objects! And simply, when done using them; gets rid of them! Throws them out or throws them away!

======================================================================================

I am such a person; a throw away! I was a latchkey kid! And learned from the local children's families how to live and survive! Then I was destroyed and moved out of the area of my the only place I knew as home! It was my home! I was pulled from it!

I was destroyed; I ended up with massive mental conditions and problems!

1. Inability to function with books or in a classroom or study
2. In ability to trust or have relationships!
3. Drug and alcohol problems; At first I used drugs, later in my 20's; alcohol!
4. All anchors in community were ripped away! Meanings, friends and relatives! I had nothing! The school system turned on me and called me a bad kid and treated me as such! I was simply being abused! And could no longer function as a human being!
5. bullied
7. Inability to participate! Cant participate with talents! Cant develop anything!
6. Full dissociative disorder!

==================================================================================
Now; Im dealing with this mess! Im ill, a sick person! Mental! Not fixed!

For the first time as an adult or teenager; well! I was lucid at age 14 to 16; Im now getting more lucid! Im more " here n how"! Im starting to get better!

Knowing my story is really helping me!

Looking back! The psychopaths don't count as worth anything! However, these psychopaths had me under the dilution for being my parents!

How do you go back into your childhood and explain that your future must be changed; that the people pretending to be your mother and father are not safe and you must get away from them as fast as possible!

Im now at the point of continued depth finding to look for ways to reopen the past and turn it on its head! See the truth and accept no less!

Possibly, I can tear open the leanest deepest part of the mess and work on it now! Its all been covered up with amnesia and dissociation! However, Im getting better and it's opening for me!

The opening that is happening is not free entrance! the doors are open but the smoke is thick! You have to start digging in, and theirs no lights where these memories are located! I have to blindly start digging with enthusiasm and lift these memories onto the surface and take a good hard look at them; sifting for what I like and what I don't!

Im at that place where Im starting real conversations with others and Im starting to make sense when I talk; I don't sound like a schizophrenic when I talk! and I used to be acussed of this condition; when in reality, it was severe dissociative disorder with massive PTSD build up that caused my brain to be else where and not know who I was!

Things are changing!

I was brought up in a house hold that felt it was fine playing with kids as long as someone else took care of them!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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