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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2020
CPTsd; Im starting to understand a need for a cure
   Tue Sep 15, 2020 12:06 am
Pure evil
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Im finally starting to figure somethings out
   Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:26 am

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Definitely something wrong with my sex life

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:43 pm

I seem to be hiding my feelings of what 'i really want; repressed. Coward to bring them out.
Im a coward in front of women; its like Im a child; and when they see this or feel it; their gone!
One time I had a few women over to my apartment; they were interested in working he recovery process; I found out later they wanted a three'sm in my bed; They both wanted to sleep with me! I got mad; not because they wanted to sleep with me; because of the way they went about it; they disguised themselves as innocent wanting recovery; I had no idea they wanted anything else! No idea; I was mad that I was being fooled into something else! And the fact they led me on to believe they really wanted some help in an area of importance to me! It felt creepy that they were in my apartment! that they had swindled their way in! IT was 2 abrupt for me! I wasn't in control and didn't feel safe! I told them to leave! They thought it had something to do with their looks; silly girls! It had to do with everything else! And then it hit me! I really could not have done anything else at that moment; my background with betrayal; it was to much for me; and to have these women betray my trust to get into my apartment was to ######6 creep for me!
What about the sex; I stopped 2 women from having sex with me at the same time. If I could have done it over; I would have had sex with them; ###$ the morality! or doing whats right! I would have liked to have ran after them and brought them back after I felt better!
I like to feel safe; I like to trust who comes into my apartment or my life! I like people to present themselves correctly to me!
I have massive sex problems anyway.
I don't have sex problems with sex; I have problems having women to have sex with! meaning; a gap resides between who I am and who I become friends with; its as if Ive become demobilized!
Im working with God the universe on relationships! I have no idea where to meet anyone; I don't know where! or who! Im myself and it doesn't seem good enough! However, I have to change my thoughts!
I don't get it; Im creative and intelligent; I have my problems! I don't understand! However, Im not around new people! I don't get respected for who I am; thats the biggest problem!
I have to turn to the universe and work with the universe to allow the universe to manifest the right people in my life!
This is a hard thing; Ive never had the right people around my life; never! Ive had some people that liked me; I could not respond to them; and they moved on; and that was that!
Ive never had any real friends!

This is a big big step up for me; to go back to dealing with the human race again! the most fearful thing; Im not who they think I am! I have problems! lots of them! I hate rejection; especially from people less then me!
The number one issue is trusting God and the universe. I have to learn to trust the universe; that the universe is bringing me people I can trust! and this is a horrible big one; in fact; its the biggest problem; the horrible thoughts of the past! of having my life thrown completely away; thats the biggest issue!
So; trusting the universe!
I have no real friends; nothing; have never had a girlfriend; nothing; nothing worth discussing! The only time I had a girlfriend is when money was rapped around it! I was in college! I had a relative supporting that college experience; some of it! However, that is miss leading; the system doing this; supporting me; also raped me and destroyed me! Their money was useless; I was torn to pieces and trampled to death by this point! I could not function in the outside world; it was a waist of money!
The point is; I could not or did not attract any women that saw any worth; nothing; and it remains the same for today!
Im working with the universe to bring me the women that the universe has in mind for me! However, I have to go out into the world and say hello! Im afraid of getting my arms ripped off!
So; with people; I have my work cut out for me!
However, its more then having my work cut out for me! I mean; this is a big serious manifestation; and I have to learn to follow through and be taught by he universe how to manifest what I want in life! I have to step up to the fear and face it and work through it until I have success!
Last edited by Snaga on Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: swear filter

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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