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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Dealing with the past; hard to believe it happened!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Feb 23, 2016 6:31 pm

First, I write the same things over n over n over; It's the long version of getting the poison out! Exposure; over n over n over! And the more I write, a few years go by; I have to deal with the deeper issues!

First, let me say; its all in my head! And most in the form of PTSD! Right now, ive got several worlds working it in my head! But I know Im not their! Im here!

This is how it works! I get PTSD on a subject from the past! I try not to concentrate on it; thinking Ive beat it! What I don't understand is; another level of PTSD is underneath going full blast! And it's causing stress! And I don't see that field of pain because Im not concentrating on it! I can see it now, because Ive trained myself to see it! So, I understand!

Ive lost many things from the past; but I don't care! It's my thinking I want back! God can bring me all that I need! I must take all things to him; not take them to the past! This is humbling and very difficult!
Its new for me to take all thoughts to God and have him explain the wrong doings done on me! I will take it to God!

Im aware that at this point; its all in my head! It still has to be worked through! The pain, the loss, the resentments! I have to forgive those of the past and get rid of them!

The way I get rid of people from my pain and my mind and head; I gather evidence against them that they were never who I thought they were and that I made a mistake knowing them in the first place!

Ive found many of the people I loved when young, did not love me nor would they ever miss me!

ITs important to get all people out of my thinking; the reason; so my imagination can be used for something positive and productive!

It important to let go of people, places, and things! Even if they own me land, or houses, or money, or cars! It does not matter; in fact, it's a good test to trust God!

Don't ever go back to these people! Take all things to God, let God re-manifest what I need!

Most if not all the people I knew of when younger; none were my friends and none new me! None liked me or even understood me!

All I had going for me was my father! And he was a predator fake! He simply exploited the people in the home I was living! He was no good! A sociopath!

I was dumped off at age 10; and that was the end of my life! No more house, or parents, or brothers, or friends, or neighborhood or school or dreams! Nothing! Horrific! The only type that would do something like this is the psychopath! They are deadly! Like a snake poisoning and biting a child! No remorse!

Forgiveness is at hand!

My mind is being filled up again with new things; Trucks and houses and mountain bikes and music studios and many other things I want! Goals! Thats what their called! And the more I work on my goals and let them manifest in my imagination , and the more I work with my successful thinking! The better I become safe in the present! Ive got things in the present that I want to finish! That I want to start! I would like a whole life in the present! For this to happen! I must gain confidence; think really big! Really big! Think any way I want to dream; and come up with what turns me on!

Keep dreaming! And using my imagination is bringing back my childhood!

keep turning to God
keep imagining
Keep forgiving!
Keep working with others!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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