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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Dealing with the past; a slow boat out a hell

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue May 01, 2018 4:23 pm

Im working with the past;
The goal; teach or allow the child in me to experience PTSD and then stop the child and explain it wasn't that way! When I was young; I had good times; I was alone and free; I thought I had privilege! In reality; I was being neglected; thats why I was free! Very quickly I would understand; as I got older; that the small amounts of innocence I experienced were not from being located in a good neighborhood; I was 2 young; that is why saw things as being fun! Later, it would not be so fun! in a few years; I would start experiencing the death of my life; as life was being strangled out of it! I began to see the truth by the time I was 7 years old; I was aware of problems at the age of 5-7! Within this period, I assumed my goals would be established with my talents and my parents would help me set goals that I could achieve them when older! Nothing of the sort was happening or would be happening! In reality, I was in a transition house! I thought I was in " my" neighborhood! I was not! I was in a convenient spot for the psychopaths to park their belongings until they made other plans; they would not be staying for long; I did not know; had no idea I was with these monsters! Had no idea and was 2 young to process any of it wense I understood what was going on!
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I recognized the psychopaths by the age of 9.
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I stayed away from my mother; who was not really a mother; a female psychopath! I stayed away from her from the beginning of my life; never like it or trust it; this creature! she was backwards to the laws of man and God! She was not part of mother nature! Everything about her was backwards; non human! it was all a mask!
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By the time Im 7 years old; Im beginning to question my father! I idolized him; then, after the age of 5 or 6, it slowly began to weaken! By the time Im 8; he is showing signs of disrespect to the human condition! Something isn't right! By the time Im 10 years old; I know what they are; I had to find out the hard way! They were not human; my father was not human! I was one of the monsters I saw on the PBS channels concerning in human monsters that destroyed their own species; Think of asian insect creatures on ships that kill humans and the humans cant escape!

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Their was no future for me.
. the expectations of my childhood were based TV shows! I assumed I was like other kids in this neighborhood! I was not like anyone anywhere! I did not know this! The psychopaths knew this!
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I would be dismantled slowly! And this was their plan! Their plan!
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Social stuff is my next move; and its been happening; its hard; its like a junior high kid wanting to be popular; you close your emotional eyes, decide what you want and go after it! and I am; Im going after social! ITs not easy; Im attracting people because Im giving them attention; their not always the nicest people; but their good to practice on and my high power wants me to concentrate on practicing; not on judging others! And this will work! However, beware of who I attract; At some point I will grow out of this and want to be around specific people that I have value content in common with!
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I dont like everyone that Im being popular with! And I must learn to not get to attached to the wrong people. Many people do not have my best interests at heart; their for its; " hit n run" get social with them; and practice and get out of their!
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So; my higher power is working in my life; I have to remember what exactly Im asking the universe!
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The universe is supplying what I need!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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