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Dealing with the past; a slow boat out a hell

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue May 01, 2018 4:23 pm

Im working with the past;
The goal; teach or allow the child in me to experience PTSD and then stop the child and explain it wasn't that way! When I was young; I had good times; I was alone and free; I thought I had privilege! In reality; I was being neglected; thats why I was free! Very quickly I would understand; as I got older; that the small amounts of innocence I experienced were not from being located in a good neighborhood; I was 2 young; that is why saw things as being fun! Later, it would not be so fun! in a few years; I would start experiencing the death of my life; as life was being strangled out of it! I began to see the truth by the time I was 7 years old; I was aware of problems at the age of 5-7! Within this period, I assumed my goals would be established with my talents and my parents would help me set goals that I could achieve them when older! Nothing of the sort was happening or would be happening! In reality, I was in a transition house! I thought I was in " my" neighborhood! I was not! I was in a convenient spot for the psychopaths to park their belongings until they made other plans; they would not be staying for long; I did not know; had no idea I was with these monsters! Had no idea and was 2 young to process any of it wense I understood what was going on!
I recognized the psychopaths by the age of 9.
I stayed away from my mother; who was not really a mother; a female psychopath! I stayed away from her from the beginning of my life; never like it or trust it; this creature! she was backwards to the laws of man and God! She was not part of mother nature! Everything about her was backwards; non human! it was all a mask!
By the time Im 7 years old; Im beginning to question my father! I idolized him; then, after the age of 5 or 6, it slowly began to weaken! By the time Im 8; he is showing signs of disrespect to the human condition! Something isn't right! By the time Im 10 years old; I know what they are; I had to find out the hard way! They were not human; my father was not human! I was one of the monsters I saw on the PBS channels concerning in human monsters that destroyed their own species; Think of asian insect creatures on ships that kill humans and the humans cant escape!

Their was no future for me.
. the expectations of my childhood were based TV shows! I assumed I was like other kids in this neighborhood! I was not like anyone anywhere! I did not know this! The psychopaths knew this!
I would be dismantled slowly! And this was their plan! Their plan!
Social stuff is my next move; and its been happening; its hard; its like a junior high kid wanting to be popular; you close your emotional eyes, decide what you want and go after it! and I am; Im going after social! ITs not easy; Im attracting people because Im giving them attention; their not always the nicest people; but their good to practice on and my high power wants me to concentrate on practicing; not on judging others! And this will work! However, beware of who I attract; At some point I will grow out of this and want to be around specific people that I have value content in common with!
I dont like everyone that Im being popular with! And I must learn to not get to attached to the wrong people. Many people do not have my best interests at heart; their for its; " hit n run" get social with them; and practice and get out of their!
So; my higher power is working in my life; I have to remember what exactly Im asking the universe!
The universe is supplying what I need!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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