Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1006)
Archives
- August 2019
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Dealing with poverty

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Apr 06, 2014 12:50 am

Poverty is the inability move in any direction! one is stuck! and the rest of the world does not care! and if I don't move into something with feedback I will stay in the strangulation of poverty. No one shows up to rescue me! One can wait a life time for someone to show up and rescue me! but that is the middle class; and middle class rules. The rules of poverty are different!

In poverty you must seek out recovery or you die! You will not get better on your own. In poverty, no such thing exists of pulling yourself up alone! I must seek out help! I must walk through the doors of the help centers and ask for help. I must keep asking until it becomes a way of life; to show up and ask for help!

I must ask for help because I am dying!

I must ask for help because I must make a noise and let others now Im alive!

I must let others know!




I have learned to be alone! This must change or I end up in long sleep in a long box in the graveyard.

The Grim reaper ( the shadow man) he is always at the back of my throat telling me to give in and go into permanent sleep!

###$ the Grim reaper; Im not doing that today!

Today Im in recovery! I am willing to be willing to be willing to show up and ask for help!

I am always in a state of asking for help!

I don't like connection; its uncomfortable. But longs sleep is worse, so I will stick with asking for help!

Its hard when you worry about what others think! This is the false foundations of middle America!


Those who ask for help are in poverty! and how great is that poverty!

If poverty is the problem then I know my mind must be set on a solution! and that solution is showing up and asking for help. I must become willing to be willing to be willing...

I suffer!

I will make changes!

Its an inside job!

I need 5o people to pull me out of me! I need their feedback. My mind cannot save me; how can it! its the same brain that got me into this mess! I need others thinking to get me out!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And other stuff!

Dissociative disorder;

Im now making in roads within the 2 foot space perimeter; that safety zone of intimacy that a person carries; physical safety space.... Im making arm movements. Not much. for me its terror city within this space when others are around me!

Im using free form people! Im not working with the therapist but once a month. Most of my work is with free form unaware free movement 12 step people. When you wake up, you have to dodge in one direction or the other or you get crouched. Its sink or swim or be beached like a whale. for a long time I was beached. Now Im starting to swim in the shallow area! if you look carefully you will start to see my arms are flapping in the water; this is the beginning!

In-roads:

Im becoming aware of my fear and torture status when around others... When I get closer to others, I begin to loose self and go into a helpless mode as if I am being controlled by captures or tortures. I shut down completely and its PTSD city! Im gone mentally way into a past that is dangerous for my present!

Im noticing now, what Im afraid of. When younger I was forced to either choose to comply or commit suicide! if I don't comply I am abandon! and have no one! I am completely alone in the world and will kill myself from the pressure! so, its either complete abandonment on one side or suicide on the other.. I shut down! I became like a robot around others so these 2 extremes would not occur!

Now, when around others in the present I am the same! I have no personal power around others in close proximity! I cannot make decisions or move!

Power; power comes when I can let go of the people Im in close proximity! I learn I won't die! and I learn I won't commit suicide because I am not under the stress as when young! The PTSD world is strong at these moments; However, PTSD is a lie!

I am now practicing more chances with people; the idea is to disagree and let them go! let them go as if I will never see them again! not worry about what they think! they might use abandonment against me.

It hurts so much to let them go; I feel like Im going to die! or throw up or get sick! So much PTSD past abandonment!

I attract the same types of people that abused me! And they use abandonment tactics! I want to let go of them. However, its like letting go of past captors; if I let go, I will die! that is the PTSD world slamming me hard.

Its all about practice! seems the more I practice the stronger I get within the real world.


--------------------------------------

As for dating; You must have movement in this private space; this 2 foot or 3 foot space! this is where relationships get built. This is the are of flirting... With out this space and the dance within it; no interactions, thus you remain strangers.... So there is a method to my madness for getting better!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 6560 times

Who is online

Registered users: Allcoulors, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, exul, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Ixion, jaus tail, Pavloscod, Pavloseci, Pavlosijl, Pavlosjec, Pavlosjek, Pavlosnzs, Pavlosuoj, Pavlosvko, Pavlosvlw, Pavlosvvp, tinypineapple, Tyler