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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Dealing with my thoughts about women!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:58 pm

Problems with women; massive attitude problem with women; I feel to much is expected! Im not accepted as I am! So, this tells me that I dont believe I can find women that I like and will accept me as I am where I am in life! So, I dont believe! and this has to change! and this is a very hard thing; hard space!
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Their are people with problems; my attitude concerning women tops it in the negative sense! the problem is; I dont want it! its getting in the way of my relationships with women! Im working on success based process to have success!
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I feel that women have done everything in their path to make sure I dont have success or Im not who I say I am; Im not at the status level I claim to be! I never lied to anyone! I am what I am; and Im not accepted! most of the people Im complaining about judge me on exteriors not interior value! And yet, I want the creamy dream girl that looks like frosting on the cake; and this might be the problem! I dont know!
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I expect women that look like they stepped out of a movie or a fashion magazine or a beauty pageant!
or, I want a really hot women but I dont really believe Im good enough to live up to her or Iim not good enough or deserving!
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Im mad at women for stepping up and helping me! and this could be my abuse thrown at women from my experiences with my mother! If women dont help me, their actually my mother turning on me; so, I can hate them! I have a pathological concept here! Im a bit pathological when dealing with judging women; I judge all of them; either, or! black white! its terrible! It controlling me and Im tried of it; so very tired of it!
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opposing thoughts! Im still in pain from the past! the problem is; " dont get into a relationship until your ready" Problem; "I'm never ready"!
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Im holding on to something! I wont let go!
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Its all helping to talk about it and write about it! I talk with women every morning in a morning women; we talk about relationships; so I'm getting experience around women! thats helping!
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I have some women coming up to me in interest; and Im disallowing myself from having it because of my poor past attitude instead of what I want! and Im blowing it! So, what do I want! I have to believe it! what if I dont but I still want it; I have to take chances anyway! I have to learn; it scares me!
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Im attempting to jump to the next level; accept that I want women, bypass the resistance and do something, anything, that will send me to the next level to have relationships! This sucks!
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Nothing that I want is from up the river, meaning, I have to allow myself to after my desire, not defend against it! Im chicken and have to deal with the fear or bashfulness! or what ever it is to talk to a women I like or Im attracted to; its horribly difficult to ask people out! its horrible, but I have to!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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