Im the women hater; Am I a women hater; and thats the problem?. Well; am I a women hater or am I so intolerant and heated that it comes out around women and I take it out on women around me. But I dont take it out on them physically or illegally or something; its passive aggression or something; dissociation. I avoid them; pull away from them.
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Some thoughts and remarks on a young women I dealt with in the meetings.
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I could not accept she liked me; if I accepted that she liked me; that means shes a nice girl and I could not do that; could not see her as innocent and nice; just couldn't do it. I had to lie and cheat and steal and beg and manipulate and con what ever else character flaw in order to pull off she was a bad person. Maybe she is; but is that really any of my business.
She must be a bad person to like me; I only want bad people liking me.
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Im having a hard time accepting a nice women... or that a nice women would like me.
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God is preparing me for nice women. I have a hard time with nice women... I dont trust any women.
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I have to get to a place of responding to whom God sends me.....
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I have to work my way out of this into the arms of nice women; that is the problem. And it is happening and it is hard.
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Im suppose to hook up with the women God sends me no other; so; I dont get to go find the soccer mom who just got a divorce; God will send me the right soulmates; thats whats happened so far... Heres the deal; I have to be ready for her; she is a delicate creature; broken probably and needing to be loved by someone; and that is my job working under God...
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Im being directed by God to do the work to get up to speed... When God sends one of these women; I am to be able to respond to them now; that is the goal; and Im starting to get the fire underneath me concerning it... slowly; but its happening; the changes are occurring...
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Dealing with this pain in front of me is hard; its like a hardened wall Im trying to break through. Im doing it because the pressure is mounting on the other side; meaning the side Im on; the pressure is mounting; I want change; Ive had enough of this...
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Changes are occurring within my imagination as I do the writing work to create new stories for my new life; its forcing me to live more directly in front of me...
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So; Its time to manifest a new women into my life; that is the next big goal..