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OMNICELL
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Dealing with my father; a sociopathic predator

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Dec 09, 2017 2:12 pm

This blog is a start; a start to dealing with my father and what happened! Gas lighting is a good word for what happened! exploitation when a child is a good description! I never had a chance and I didnt know it; and thats what makes this so sad and so terror filled of fear! Fear is the best word I can use! the fear of being abandon and all alone when little! and thats what happened! completely alone; all were lies! everything around me for miles and miles and miles! nothing was real!
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You either have a father or a predator; not both; when speaking of a sociopath around children the state deems legal because the sociopath is legal guardian; in reality, their just sociopaths. The real sociopath predator has no interest or connection to anyone on earth! The sociopath certainly has no connection to children of any kind regardless of the children's position within the sociopaths life; or the sociopaths position with the childs life! How did a sociopath ever get in a position with a child; that is what makes me so dam sick to my stomach! and I couldn't do anything about it! I was completely fooled and lied to!
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When I was born; I was born into the proximity of one sociopath and one psychopath! These are authentic sociopaths and psychopaths; They do not have connections with any living thing; they are connected only to themselves and their predator-ial desires! The psychopath or sociopath is thinking about themselves and their own needs when viewing the world; nothing else exists. However, its a thrill and power serge for the sociopath to fool those around him/her. Their ability to survive depends on the masks they wear; how elaborate and complex the masks! They do not care about children and they do not care about children in their care! However, in order to play the game of life and survive; they will create an illusion of child care! They will appear to be loving caring fathers or mothers; not always; obviously! In my case; my father tried to play this illusion of family father man! In reality, it was all a game for him; a manipulation and exploitation! He was no better then a child molester or rapist! He never touched me; he was not into children; but he exploited children for his own means! But he was a rapist! I know; I listened to him rape my mother several times! later, I watched him seduce 18 year old young women from university campuses and manipulate them; he would find broken girls; the type not wanted by their parents! Or needing parents; these girls were a kind of throw away from their families; I assume! I was 10 years old at the time I watched him use his techniques to capture these people; and thats what it was; it was a predator capturing its pray! He would use elaborate personality transformations or masks! He would become someone else! He would eat the food they ate, wear the cloths they wear, act the role they acted! He would switch and become their culture if thats what it took; he would become their color, one would say, in order to set a trap to capture them! and he did! It was an antisocial act of predatorization for the thrill of the hunt or capture; its about power over others through manipulation; thats what the sociopath gets out of it! control; seeing an animal helpless in its grasp.
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When I was 12, I had to visit him; he lived on the other side of the state in the big city! He would talk to me as if I was his friend; In reality, the sociopath has no friends! The sociopath will used children as their friends; but this last only to about 7 years old in the child; because the child begins to wake up and see the sociopaths anti human exploitation and the child begins to turn on the sociopath like most of society would turn on them.
So, this sociopath acted like we were both 12 years old and I was his buddy! He would talk to me as if I wasn't their; I was a brick wall for listening and feed back and thats all. And for the sociopath; its like they have a little gang and their going to talk about they gang exploits.
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I was this second rate position for his needs; he needed a friend, so I played the friend roll; forced; I had no choice; thats how he presented himself to me! its sickening, looking back at it! He confided in me that he was innocent; that he had gone to a bar and picked up this women and went home with her! Im not sure of all the details, but the women had a friend; and that friends called the police and they both claimed he tried to rape them or one of them! My father explained how he got out of it! How he was innocent and the would beat this rap! My father was in a rape trial over this! He got busted! and later, in high school, I remember how he would freak out women by in appropriately chase them around! This was in public places! I remember how they acted toward him; freaked out and scared and not sure what to do; the behavior was in appropriate! I could see these women were nerves and scared! and many other things he did, until I finally never associated with him ever again! When I got older, I saw this filth for what it was!
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So, you either have a predator or a father. From a small childs point of view, emotionally speaking; the child sees a father; However, from an adult childs point of view; this is a criminal potential rapist sociopath; and noting more!
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So, when I was young; I remember this filth touching me or coming near me! This was not a father; the father role was a mask this filth used to fool everything and everyone around him! He was a thief, a pathological liar, antisocial personality sociopath! He was a chameleon at every turn! His personality was no different then anyone at the state pen for murder or rape or serial killing! He was the same type of animal; as my mother was the same type of animal!
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Im trying to create a back story; one Ive created in my blogs numerous times! Im trying to indicate that I was born into these criminals; and their is no such form of " father or mother"; these are myths or fables in my case; in my situation with these sociopaths! In reality, You simply have to dangerous sociopathic/psychopathic animals with the right to associate with children; legal right according to the state!
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It makes me want to get sick that I ever knew these animals; and that they ever ever ever, had the right to touch my body for any reasons, including play acting or gas lighting any specific chameleon role upon me! I was lied to and exploited as anyone else they predator-zed. I was no different then any other victim they took advantage of! I was taken advantage of the same way, of equal weight and value! I was taken advantage of every time they were in my presence! The hardest and most brutal part is the false family mask they created! In the end everything would come crumbling down and they would escape and try this exploitation on another group of unsuspecting victims they charmed with their lies!
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They will predator-ize you, just to see if they came can do it; get away with it; get a thrill from it! To fool you from the beginning, without you knowing your being fool! So; how does this apply to children! Children are representatives of society; and the sociopath psychopath does not like society; society is what they eat; live off of to survive; much like the lion lives of the pray in its water hole area or marsh! Its where they hunt, where they eat!
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children represent society to the sociopath, and the sociopath or psychopath want to destroy society; they feel they are above society! They dont have to follow the rules of society or rules dealing with human beings!
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Im mad that this sociopath was ever allowed to play with me at societies expense! No one was taking care of me or looking after me; I was just being played with. It was all a thrill game for the sociopath to have societies jewels (children), to play with or gas light or use or manipulate or exploit! These criminals would play act the father role or provider role or care giver role for the fun of it! They did not give any fatherliness or provider ability or care giver ability; it was a mask used for fun! and they like to take this about town and fool anyone they could find! it was all a thrill game for these psychopaths!
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Im mad because I was being fooled into letting my defenses down; and this is what the sociopath wants! thats the thrill they are seeking; the game! My whole future was ruined by this filth and my life destroyed!
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Im mad I was touched or gotten near! Im mad that they had a right to play act these roles against me or around me! I got nothing from them but used! I was used by these people! these filth! I had no one; no one protecting me from these lies!~ from these liars!
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I mad I was brought into that false house on that false street with those false friends in that false neighborhood! ITs not the people in the neighborhood; its not their fault! I was never suppose to be around them or in that area in the first place! They were being fooled as much as I was! IT wasn't my fault! I never fit in with the neighborhood because I was never suppose to be their in the first place!
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Looking back; I was all alone and everything from one corner of life to the other was a lie! I was being exploited and set up! I was set up the whole time! It makes me sick that they could touch me! That i could do nothing about these filth coming near me! meaning; looking back at it! I was being exploited at the time when very young and didnt know what they were! and that is why I was taken advantage of! That is so very sickening to see children taken advantage of; its pure predator-izarion. The point is; Im trying to express the horror and de humanization of looking back and explaining the feeling of exploitation! and I could do nothing about it because I was 2 young to understand what was being done! I hate that this lack of quality of life was allowed around me! what did I do to deserve this! its not fair! I didnt do anything wrong! Why would I have to go through this! I was set up completely! I was set up to believe I had nothing to be afraid of; and the physical outside life was real! it was not; it was staged! I never had a real mother or father or house or neighborhood or school; I never had any real friends; it was all staged; and it would all be taken away from me; like a stage being dismantled after a play! My outside life was dismantled! In reality, I was simply thrown away with the stage props! When the stage was broken down and the sociopaths left; l was left behind!
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Im mad that I was exploited like this and exploited in this lie and exploited like this from the beginning; from the first day I was born! The psychopath creates illusions in order to charm the outside world to get what they want! They are predators and nothing more! They hit and run; they charm their way in; use and exploit, then dump everything and leave; theirs no looking back or remorse or conscious concerning anything!
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I was used and had no father; and that is what Im dealing with now! and this means, I had no one! nothing during the time! My father is all that was left when i was young! and he turns out to be nothing more then a sociopathic rapist!~ He was no different then the others; he was one of them! In reality, I never had a chance; not even one to survive!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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