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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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dealing with life from zero to 18

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm

Im attempting to learn how to deal with life from 0-18.
I was accosted and used and exploited nad thrown away from 0-18, and Im trying to figure out now; as an adult; what escape routs I could have taken to get out of those situations; when I was 8 or 9 to 13; no escape; I was thrown away in the 5th grade; sold down the river in the 6th grade; and ended up living; or having to live with a relative; but they were no relatives; they were monsters and I was no better then a foster kid; and so I want to know how to work through the terror and find an escape rout out of their. some place safe; ending up some place safe; that I dont have to deal with stark reality or violence to survive at such a young age from being un taken care of and thrown away.
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Most of my life was thrown away; and I was in shock the first time it happened; and I never got over it; and life was brutal and I went into a mental cocoon I never came out of; I had no place and no one to talk to; nothing; no one cared about me; it was all fake; some people tried to act like it; but they didnt care; and never would again; I was just being used by people as a fool; and I would like to get these feelings out and come back to sanity and move on with my life; taking care of it; feeling that I took care of it; finding ways to take care of back then; finding escape routs back then; reframing the situations; showing I escaped and ended up some place safe; got my bearings about me; went back to school protected from bullies; did solid in school; got a job or hobbies or stuff for a career; and took off from their; possibly a real foster home with nice people to live with; or A Grandfather on my fathers side; I never tried to interact with them for help. Something; anything; Im looking at it right now and freaking out as I dont know where to hide where to go; who to talk to for help; Im stuck at those ages with no way out.
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I would like a career now and Im finding that until I fix the anxiety of 0-18 and figure out how to be solid from those years; I cant move on to college years; Im much older then college age; but Im trying to make it through those years from 0-18 and move onward; I can feel it; thats what needs to be done; answers to those time periods of loss where Im thrown away and isolated and I dont know what to do; and I dont know what to do right now to feel that I transferred to new safe places and got my life together. Im looking for reframing answers to a new outlook of my old life; all of it.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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