Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Dealing with adolescent damage

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:20 am

Im dealing with damage; damage created by the country I live in; the people!
.
bulling and being an expendable suicidal based child! I was a throw away! Im now trying to deal with it! I plan to live, but I have to deal with everything I went through and reparent myself with Gods help! God in charge! and thats not easy having God in charge, was God not in charge when I was destroyed!
.
Im not a throw away anymore; Im starting to come out of it;
Im going back to my original God created design; Im not an identity imprinted on me by psychopaths! Im gaining independence from the lies of the past and starting over; I'm just starting; Im just able to look into this new life; just enough strength to life my spiritual head upward and look around as " me"!
.
The point; Im actually doing OK; The problem; Im trapped in a little apartment and wont go outside! However, when I say this; I mean, the outside bigger world; and outside in general! Im not connected to anything; 12 step groups; thats about it; psych groups, therapists! a few other things; maybe! Im used to living a mental illness life! riding around on bikes, going here n their, never actually connecting to anyone and no cared anyway!
.
Im getting better; more stable! Im interested in looking at and working through the ages of 5th grade or 4th grade through 8th grade! Those are brutal years of lonely destruction! In those years, I was torn to pieces psychologically! and later I was destroyed from similar things! However, in those beginning years, I would like to work through through those years! Take God back into those years! Allot of dissociate damage occurred during that period! My mind was ran through the pavement!
.
My mind was stretch from one side to the other, it was stretched out to the point; it never sprang back; it stayed ruptured! and was ruptured again and again and again until I was no more! lost, thrown away and broken! ruptured!
.
So, here I am now, better, and more able to decide to attempt to fix some off this! Im interested in facing things and getting my independence back! the problem is adolescence years! How do I work through these years when I don't have brothers or sisters or friends or family or relatives or a house or anything else resembling a family unit thats necessary for such things! what do I do! Well, Im working with God to get stronger and face things!
.
Im scared to death of the bullies that terrorized me when young; I can see them in my nervous system watching me and springing up in my mind when I attempt to become expressly independent!
I can see those bullies; the PTSD comes on when I think about them; I want to be free of them in my mind!
.
I have much work to do! I have the sad affair of remembering older brothers i thought I would be looking up to; instead, they were ruined people, turned into sociopaths and degenerates! I have nothing to do with them; they are strangers! and alas; they've always been strangers! I was a throw away and never knew! not until it was 2 late!
.
I can specifically see the adolescent time period of a time i missed all things; everyday of what someone else would have experienced growing up! all those rich days of development! I missed it all, every hour of experience and learning, every hour, every minute! all of it! Im still angry about it; sharp pain hits my mind and envious system as I see pics of my mother and father swim through my head!
.
I can see it possible to re learn or re experience; I have to ask God for this; Im excited about it! but I have no idea how its going to flourish! How is this possible; how can I go through this again; a re life! Well, the past experiences of trauma, their loosing their hold on me! I still have the PTSD, but I've developed a new me! so, a new me is here to take the place of the old me; and all of this was developed without anyone from the past coming back or showing up! and thats a bloody miracle of the making of the Gods; I asked for help and went through a long blind maze to get this far! Im here!
.
So, the past, the hold and resistance it had on me is loosing its grip! I don't need it like use to! its not that important anymore! I have the ability to re live my life because resistance is not in between me and my desire! or; if it is between me and my desire, I have other tactics that are working to correct the situations and allow me to move forward with my desire to relive parts of my childhood! I can see it and feel it in my mind and I don't see the need for my mother or father or house or past friends or neighborhoods or schools or anything else! I am able or set to do this thing now as I am; Ive worked my my way into a new way of thinking! And Ive walked a journey that has led me up this ready point in my development!
.
So, Im getting close; I still have of allot of uncomfortable emotional and psychological pain to work though; this wont be fun; working through bulling and other things!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 6632 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, krk1087