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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2019
I have CPTSD
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Real changes are occurring
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Coming back into the present
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Im extremely frustrated
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Fining myself or facing myself
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Im beginning to understand
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Visualizing
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Starting from the beginning
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The trap house part 2
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The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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movement
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childhood abandonment
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Being single
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
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Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
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Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
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Toxic shame
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Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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day to day struggle; Things get closer to God( trigger warning)

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:02 pm

God has allowed me to stay on earth; relative to suicide! I cant say it any better! Im still the guy that would have killed himself long ago! Im on planet earth, only because of my conversations with God; noting else! I chose to stay, I chose to leave! GoD made it clear that If i stayed he would make sure I had a chance of it; and he is! its not easy! It would have been a lot better to leave! but I didnt! I had my chance; now Im to strong for that! The inner me is stronger! I get what I prayed for!
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Im attempting to change my thoughts as I get what I prayed for! Sometimes I forget; I have remember that Im given what I think about! When I start thinking about deprivation and poverty; thats what I get!
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Truly, the followers our masses are the only ones on this planet who stay! decent people dont live on on this planet; they check out!
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Life is strange! Im all alone; simply because Im connected to God! I have my general purpose; contact God; get his instructions! That is my journey! And Im working toward it! I gave up long ago on anything else!
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I gave up long ago on the things society was suppose to promise me! However, these things can be brought about going through God first; once created in my imagination, God will take my desires and allow the universe to bring them about; if I believe! The universe will not work with someone who is not serious! The universe is like the bank! They dont like lending money to those who are not serious about paying them back!
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I live in a land of lies!
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God is not a lie! God is the only truth! the rest of this place and the people in it; filth or sheep or followers!
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I pray for the weak and hopeless and hurt and innocent! God already knows how I feel bout them! I am to save myself! Nice world! This simple concept that Im not even allowed to save the poor is enough to check out! I have nothing to save them with! So, I turn to God and begin the journey to creating real things on planet earth! real things do not come reality, they do not come from " what is"; they come from dreams supported by the universe! My imagination is the most powerful thing on earth; the rest of this place is a lie!
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Im on the right path; Im handing things that used to cause me to collapse into breakage and suicide! Today, nothing has changed; Im stronger; Im now the repair guy who goes in with the human welding torch and repairs those areas untouched through neglect! Neglect has caused its own course brutal levels of damage! a kind of cold burning damage! One is burned alive but by cold and not heat! one is burned alive by the lack of elements to stay alive; like a giant suction that pulls everything out of the atmosphere and leaves you to become paralyzed and die from it!

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Ive learned a few things! the state of union is corrupt! I cannot expect anything from them! The goal is to call it what it is; the truth is good enough! the goal is to focus on what I want; not what is! and keep that focus! and work with God to keep that focus! Use my God given guidance system I was born with and my focuser and focus on what makes me feel good and what makes me happy and look at each day at my favorite day! focus on that; and watch new thoughts show up to match it! and their it is!
Thoughts because things!
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I can only survive on this planet if Im happy; no other way! its not worth anything; this place!
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Women;
Ive found that around the right women id be fine; the rest are a waist of time! complete manipulation! waist of time! I have no problem telling a women what I want from the start! I dont care what she wants! I care what I want! if she is not inline with it; I find another women that is! I work though God when it comes to women; their is an endless supply! They continue to show up and show up and show up! The problem is of the asking; Im asking for good but also the bad; and thats what Im receiving! Im starting to walk away quickly from situations like this! If she is not inline now; no go! not interested; I walk!
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This is not easy when dealing with women; Inside me is an innocent boy; and the adult in me has to walk past these women; they are not worthy of me! I must move on past them until I find women that are! God brings them to me! It hurts! the child in me wants a mother and wants to be loved! Where their is no love; Ill move on!
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Lots of women want things; want someone to take care of their children! wont be me! They must turn to God for a soulmate; I aint it! I must move on! and on and on and on and on and on! The only women i want to attract are the right ones!
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Im shocked and more then disappointed concerning the women in my community! Im not at the same wavelength! Its like we are from 2 different cultures! Im not talking about the idea of the old book; : men are from mars, women are from Venus"; This is completely different! In the old book; men and women are even; they are from the same world, the same culture; Not the ones I deal with; its like they are from a different country! They are a complete waist of time! No reason to bother looking in their direction; never has been!
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Ive done OK with women of other races! no problems! They seem normal!
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God brings me women; this is the big lesson! I have to imagine and wait! The better I am at imagining, the better I am at knowing what I want and feeling it; the better chance the universe will deliver it!

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Getting rid of anger!
Getting rid of hurt and anger is the goal, because I desire to send a positive message to the universe of what I want! Its important to like myself or love myself to send out a strong positive message of what I want! I want to send out a confident messaged to the universe! if I send out negatives; I get negatives in return!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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