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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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day ta day

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:51 am

A day ta day struggle is not what I need. I have struggles. However, I want serenity. I could have serenity if I were not alone. I need people! I need to be around them. However, as of now, Im moving forward around people for general purposes. Im not interest in who it is, just the amount of people. Im slowly adjusting to being closer to people; with it comes good and bad! ITs not easy! Im not able to defend myself against manipulative controllers. Im getting trapped and controlled and ran over on a consistent basis. I get up and go at it again! I never give up, ever!

Women;

Im like a 10 year old moving into a 14 year old stage. I have no other clue! Im scared to death. Im scared to get involved with someone just because they are cut and they like me! Im finding Im in the wrong place to meet women. Red flags must be respected!

I am wholly scared to death to let others find out Im on social security! If Im finally able to pick up chicks; won't someone wonder whats really wrong with me! How can anything be wrong with me if Im able to approach a women, introduce myself, start up a conversation, take her out to coffee and later sleep with her and start a relationship! Are they going to believe anything is wrong with me!

Im scared they will find out. After hanging out with me for awhile they will discover the Psych things!
I know Im going to want to pull away!

ITs about being strong enough! The stronger I am the more confident. I guess. Its all new to me!

I have this sick feeling that the girls I think Im going to find Im not going to find. I think everyone has baggage. However, Im not sure.

Ive met allot of girls with allot of baggage who like me! Yet, I do not want their baggage.

Deception is the big problem I have with women...

I do not want a women that has three other men in waiting of to the side! Im not interested in that kind of person! those kind of people disturb me and make me sick! I want nothing to do with them. And I am offended when they like me; it confuses me! I do not want to attract those kind of humanoids.

Therefor, this gives me an idea; Why don't I write down what kind of person I want to attract; this scares me a bit! Im not sure what that means.. I feel like I won't be good enough for someone who is good enough for me.

music:

I am an extremely talented person. you have not heard of me! that is because I have no place to practice my music. I am a singer song writer, drummer! I write Orchestral music!

Yet, what is the point! I have no place to practice. No place to sing or play drums that I feel safe! I need privacy. Im taking it to God. God created me! Im not sure what he created me for! I can't use my natural talents in the world; why the F$ck am I here! and this has been the theme of my life for 51 years...

At some point I will break into this problem......... I don't believe! that is part of the problem! It hurts writing about it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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